Mindstate

Word Around Town

2011-09-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

"When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars." ~Edgar Watson Howe

I never really trusted the word around town
Because if its heard around town
From a little bird around town
It’s likely the information isn’t sound.
And that’s hard to tell because word travels so fast
So and so is this and
So and so is that
Putting all their business on blast.
It’s cool until it happens to you,
You pout for a day or two.
Vow to never succumb to the gossip
Because at the end of the day no one profits.
Just broken hearts and reputations,
“It’s no one’s business, when or with whom I had relations.”
But when the hurt fades,
And the jilt of your slandered name goes away,
Its back to the basics, like you never changed.
A wise man once said,
“What you don’t witness with your eyes,
Don’t witness with your mouth.”
But of course, that’s just the word around town.

Caroline (Unifinished)

2011-08-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

I never knew her name I'll call her Caroline,
Super fine she took the same route as mine.
I'd catch myself day dreaming until the sun set.
Night fall dreaming about when I may see her next.
She caught the early train once or twice a week,
I'd wonder if she was leaving her man's place up the street.
Or did she go to work early because she's ambitious,
Fighting for that promotion,
Making her quota,
Or maybe her schedule switches.
I worked up the courage to approach, I even said a prayer,
But inevitably the train would open and she's not there.
We exchanged a subtle glance and a smile once in a while.
Her demeanor was hard to read,
I sensed a sadness.
Her head hung lower and lower, no more glances.
Looking out of her window,
Dark clothes, dark glasses.
It's been a long time since I've seen Caroline.
She no longer takes the same route as mine.

Aloof

2011-08-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm right here and I'm living what I feel,
But I'm not feeling how I'm living
Which is creating some resentment.
No need for patting on the back,
Like the burping of an infant.
I wouldn't expect you to mend it.
My heart is resilient.
It was fine before you came,
Now that you're gone it's the same.
And if what was said brings guilt,
A little shame and some pain
Then whether my words were meant for you or another,
It's all the same
Because what is written can be used and misconstrued
Depending on ones perception.
Maybe you read between the lines because of your own reflection.

2011-07-14T01:25:00.000-07:00

Today was like the last three
Alarm clock ringing like a phone with bad news on the other end
Starting another day without a good morning text
No mid-afternoon call to solidify evening plans
No fights that leave me restless in the a.m.
Im sorry texts that lift the weight off my shoulders
After fights that kiss that feels like the first
Except we've had time to rehearse
And we both knew this day would come
parted by death do us
Or realization that love isn't enough
So the last fight, our final dress rehearsal
No make up kiss
Only goodbyes and painfully sweet memories
Alarm clock still ringing
Like a call with bad news on the other end
Starting another day with no neck kisses
No hope of laying on your chest while we daydream and pretend to watch the tv set
Once I press alarm off
Its on to another cold day.
I wish it would rain.

Vessel

2011-07-13T01:56:00.001-07:00

I fed from the Word, and it made me strong, but told me how weak I was. I fed from the world, and it made me dizzy, drunk from pleasure, and told me how strong I was, but I was weak. I heard the voices calling me from inside the righteous places, but I ignored them, I was in frenzy from the hustle and bustle of the sidewinders, thieves and miscreants, I got my strength from them, they fed me slow poison that tasted good and looked good, but sewed nothing. Gave me trinkets and toys, that all the world envied, but they were cheap, and made me feel the same. I took from the world because I thought it owed me, I shunned what God provided because I knew I wasn’t worthy, I stole from God because he had it all, and gave into the world because I needed its approval. I toasted to good times, and relished in them, but despised the trying times, which set me up from the greatest gifts I could ever imagine. I stared in the face of evil, and embraced it like a wayward brother I longed to see. Impressed upon my life I fell into trap after trap, because they all had different bells and whistles, but in the spirit, if I dwelled there I would see they were all the same. Lies.

I stood and watched, as my soul took beating after beating. I smiled, like the misguided vessel I was, with no room to grow, it seems, but God sought differently, he plucked my being until I listened, miles in the sky, what better place. He gave me vision to write, even when my eyes do not grace the paper. The Gospel, now gives me the inspiration, take hold of my fingers Dear Heavenly Father, that Your Word shall be seen in this text. Gear me towards those things you would have for my life, and give me the wherewithal and strength to endure forever more….AMEN.

EYES

2011-07-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

This is an old poem I wrote a while ago. It was posted at one point in time, but I took it down to put in a book I never finished writing. Ran accross it and decided to post it.

EYES

I caught the eye of one who's lost
Let me take your hand
Take you to a place we both long to go
I caught a glimpse of my place
In your eyes
I believe you saw it in mine
Not a word spoken
The type of silence broken
Only by the ruffle of your body shifting
Closer to mine
My tears weld
While yours rolled down your face
We both imagined that place
And if it truly were the same
We'd soon go together.
How your imperfections seem perfectly placed
Reflection of my needs
So perfectly misplaced
In you.
These moments spent closely in tuned
To you.
Where does the time go?
I'd spend it all
For you.
Through our troubled times
The origin of your tears reflected
More then words could tell.
This bitter sweet silence as we lay
Even these sad times, I'd rather spend
With you.
Let me take your hand
As long as you'll have me
I'll wipe your tears
And live to keep them away.
I saw the place we both long to go
And mine, in the reflection of your eyes.
I believe you saw it in mine.

Lost Love

2011-06-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

She was a love I lost and regret
Awkward hugs every 12 months
A chance meeting that reminds me
So for a week or so that same chance meeting confines me
In and out of the past
Time traveler
She’s my catalyst, my mind unraveler
Her inner beauty surpassed by none
An outer glow that stuns
The average man.
But me, it stings like vaccinations
As a youngin I thought our brief affair was infatuation
Maybe I’m living in the past
And if I had more to grasp
Than these chance meetings
Then I would see
We were never meant to be
But until then
For a week or so after our chance meetings
I play over and over in my head my initial greeting
And wish she could greet me for the rest of my days.
And until this feeling fades,
I’m here.
Thinking of a love I lost and regret.

Fleeting (Unfinished)

2011-06-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

I swore I’d never love again.
Too many battle scars
Lessons learned, too many burns
I’m beginning to think the lesson taught is don’t try it
Is love the forbidden apple?
Don’t bite it.
Have we created a world that touches too many senses
We skip the roses
Only thing that could hurt us are its thorns
Now we don’t have to stop and smell anything
Its in our palms
They stop and sell it all
As much as your rumbling belly can endure
Only thing that could hurt is our soul.
We rally to reduce the carbon footprints in our valleys
But the pollution that needs reducing is the lack of love we’re producing.
And I don’t mean lust.
We skip on love because lust won’t hurt unless you catch feelings.
So it’s no strings attached until we use
Love and other drugs,
And love isn’t a drug, so that’s the problem with the title.
What’s the problem with a title?
The idea of love seems to be a fleeting mystery.
Cheating between the misery.
Finding something more real with the mistress.
She becomes the new lady with the fleeting title.
Rewind. Repeat.
Now the new lady is cutting eyes at the old lady
At the youngest baby's recital.
While the memories of her 2nd grade rendition of Fiddler on the Roof
Turns to her trying to outdo
The fact she got to have two moms and two dads growing up.
Every Holiday, two sets of presents showing up.
The more the merry.
So the more she'll marry.
Rewind. Repeat.

Conduction

2011-06-12T20:47:00.000-07:00

Sweet and mild kisses
She likes the softness.
It is far from her old life.
His presence makes the pain fade.
She pictures him when he’s not there.
When days get bad, she beckons him.
Bittersweet, she tries not to be mean,
But the demons break through her calm.
She prays to control it, she needs him.
He knows, and understands.
He thinks he’s enough to make her forget,
Resenting that he’s not.
When he leaves the clock stops.
When he comes it seems to make up the time it lost.
She needs him,
But the demons keep breaking through her calm.
She resents them all.
He resents he can’t pick her up.
She resents the fall.
He resents the fall.
Now he begins to resent the calm.
“You can’t control it,” he says.
“Am I not enough to make you change?”
She replies, “I’m trying, it takes time to release this pain.”
He leaves, and the clock stops.
Returns, but the time moves slower.
She feels his presence no longer calms the way it did.
She grows stronger.
He now feels the demons breaking through his calm.

Things Fall Apart

2011-06-03T02:41:00.000-07:00

Things fall apart
In other words, things change
No matter the city or town
The mounds of nouns we accumulate
In these rounds we call life,
Change.
These nouns that make up our life.
Defined as person, place or thing.
The answer to Who? What? Where?
And sometimes, Why?
The questions of life,
Answered by these mounds of nouns we accumulate.
That define us, mold us, make us, break us.
Because things fall apart.
From the Roots.
In other words things change.
As quick as the sun turns to rain,
And back again.
People change.
Places change.
Things change.
As they fall apart.
Not in the literal always.
Our notions, our history, our perceptions
Create a landscape sculpted from the nouns in our lives.
In other words,
Our notions, our history, our perceptions like sculpting knives,
Carving the lenses in which we see our nouns.
So when change comes, our old notions fall apart.
Rescuplting those lenses from which we see the world.
Things fall apart.

Playing With Your Emotions

2011-05-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

Poets are just artists who can’t sing.
Putting an emotion to music strikes a cord.
A, C, E Flat.
Melodies and words mix from tears and lonely nights.
Hurt feelings and broken hearts ring the loudest.
Love gained and lost rolls off the page into sound.
From sound to writings on the wall.
Like a child’s height markings on the door.
The first three cords of a song take you back.
When you were only yay big, emotionally.
Those first three words remind you of those scars,
That only seem to ache when it rains.
Or when night turns to dawn,
When you’re tired, but can’t seem to sleep
Only yawn.
Nostalgia.
Like spring cleaning and running across an old mix CD.
When you know the randomness of the songs made sense to you at that very moment.
And as you listen you regain your mindset and think back.
I wish I was not a poet and could sing.
I would try to capture your emotions in every song.
Creating a memory,
Or reminding you of one you’ve tucked away.
Playing the human experience like you felt it.
Giving you the words you’ve felt,
But never expressed.
Like a lost love,
You would forget.
But on a night like tonight,
You would hum the tune,
And relive the first moment you heard me play your emotions.

Untitled

2011-04-27T23:57:00.001-07:00

I never knew we would be this cold
Met in warm weather
Warm kisses in May and June
Turned to cold Eskimo kissing in warm sweaters
Been here to see the seasons change
Left time and time again
Cold nights after cold-hearted fights
I would sit in the car, fall asleep
Only awaken to the morning light.
It’s warm again.
The thrill is on again
Walking hand in hand
Cold kisses from cold ice cream parlor visits
It’s like your heart warmed up,
And mine got cold.
Things got better
I felt the cold was missing
We faced the storm, but not together.
Revenge is a dish best served cold
And that’s how we served it.
Getting back at me for mistrust in you,
Me getting back at you for giving up on you
Cold decisions you made in the past
Never envisioning we’d cross paths
Hot-tempered and cold-hearted
Work together to drive a wedge
Not so dearly departed.
A cold disdain,
Hot-blooded passion.
Met in warmer days
Hot and cold until we parted.

Would we listen?

2011-04-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

Who will witness?
Be a testimony to the twisted and the lonely,
When the night falls
The night crawls
Children crying, “Who will hold me”
Prophesy of destruction
Never bliss and better days.
Would we listen?
And see through the hateful haze.
Or accept it?
Perpetuate that we’re in the last days
Would you mention?
Never flinching, implementing a new craze.
Where good news is reported and never distorted.
Who will witness?
Step forward.
Would we listen?

A.B.M.

2011-03-14T00:29:00.000-07:00

I wish I had the guts and spewed dope
Like Gil Scott Heroine
So I could show you the gap is narrowing
Between a land of the free and the brave
To the grossly uneducated, poor and misbehaved.
The skin-heads no longer shave,
They earmark, lobby and lynch the masses unscathed.
1 if by land
2 if by sea
3 if bipartisanism
4 if by bureaucracy
Now coming from a man in 2011
Speak of change sounds of conspiracy theories
And angry black man speaking of proverbial chains
But despite how its spun,
The truth still remains
The truth still remains.
Our only identity is that we have none
Rooted in a buck, who's value is declining
Our values a muck.

Spectrum

2011-03-14T00:26:00.001-07:00

Ambition and contentment
Joy and resentment
Full pockets and a little lent
War rockets and bricks of cement
Opposite ends of the spectrum
Connected by the in betweens
Those with or without means
We all think of these things
Living them
Or seeing them in our dreams
Poor man dreams of riches
Rich man dreams of ditches
Both dream of the other’s world
To Richman a nightmare
To Poorman a fairytale

Where I am

2011-03-14T00:23:00.001-07:00

When I was young
I was in a rush to make a fuss
And at times it got my bell rung
Now I’m like hush.
And its not I like slowed down to hear the birds chirp.
I don’t stop and smell roses
Only chirp I hear is my text alert.
Seems like all I want is a pocket full of posies.
Ashes, ashes we all fall down.
Enthralled in a text.
Got me swerving
Almost involved in a wreck.
On the way to a paycheck.
Coming from a paycheck.
To pay for a life that seems
To be moving at break neck speeds.
I lived for the next step.
I know my friends think I’m all over the place.
I took some time off the race.
Got lazy, but never complacent.
You think I think in tangents
I’m just trying to be adjacent
To the things I believe that will make my lot in life stronger.
I’d be profoundly content on living the simple life
Grow food, hunt meat, live where I can sleep under the stars
And not rely on Google Sky Maps to point to where they are.
But this is where I stand,
And lay.
This is where I walk
And stumble.
This is where I talk proudly
And mumble.
This is where I am.
This is where I am.

Highway to Mars

2011-03-14T00:07:00.000-07:00

The square and boring lead lives of monotony with no meaning,
Snicker and laugh at the dreamers demeanor so demeaning.
Leading down a roadway,
A path.
So traveled straight-laced and unbraced with no feeling.
Id be a fool to say all dream with no action is the road you must travel,
But living with no dreaming can make the mind unravel.
A dream reflects hope,
Hope drives ambition
Ambition leads to fruition.
Those who do great things often take the road less traveled,
Otherwise greatness would be the norm.
Along the embankment lies discarded plans,
Good intentions and rough sketches of new inventions.
The path...the road...this highway,
Is about the scars, the setbacks, the tears.
But forever within our sights.
So sit high on your horse,
Belittle my dreams because they're not what yours are.
And watch as I fade in the distance on my Highway to Mars.

Seed

2010-12-28T21:09:00.001-08:00

Gathering my composure
Has turned into an epic battle
You may not see the seed inside
But I know you can hear it rattle.
Trying to escape
With every shake.
The back and forth makes the inside quake.
Time is all we have until it runs out
Life is about managing the droughts
What I’m lacking only gives me an advantage
If I don’t see the danger, I can’t panic
And if you don’t see my anger
You rehash it
I never feared myself
Until I saw the fear in the woman’s eyes
Clutching her purse and cutting her eyes
I feared myself at that very moment
The image my face portrays
The legacy my dominant gene relays
Through my veins coarses the very seed I may lay
And although my options give way
To women of all types and shades
From Italy to Bombay
My physical features
Pierce through the womb
And leave their impressions like good teachers
A good father wants his seed to have all the things he had plus some
I want mine to have better than the preconception of rocks and guns
Belief that all he’s good for is the box and 1
A need to entertain the masses
And skip classes.
I’d raise him better than that
But the world is full of those who will try to steer him clear
Of the beauty of his skin.

USED

2010-12-17T07:07:00.000-08:00

She told me I was a diamond in the rough.
I took offense,
But kept a mental note and laughed it off.
I saw the drunken daze in her awkward gaze,
But overlooked her crass remarks
Tipped my glass and sparked
A meaningless conversation.
I figured I’d pass the moment
With nothing too deep,
Let’s face it her pretty face will only sell wolf tickets
Those prices are steep.
The more I see
The more I understand she only wants a man
With enough flash and pazazz to make her feel alright about herself
When he gets in the pants
And the same man has enough know how
Because his pops was the man
To talk the talk, all the while knowing she’s a flash in the pan
It happens again and again.
Flashing a little money
That could be the rent
Usually showing a little clout
Is the most direct route to the honey.
Her name was Diamond
She once was more than enough.
Now she’s just rough and used up.

Untitled

2010-10-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

UNTITLED

I knew the extremes of the world
Garnered more attention then the subtle
Passive notions
Fluttering requests
Weren't heard like strong rebuttles
I once knew a queen
At least I called her mine
We had only high and low times
No in between
Since we couldn't fully understand
What those would mean
In the memories of her and me
In the grand scheme
The middle of the road is often forgotten
Lonely in the trenches of our mind
Hard to grasp
Even harder to find
Because the beautiful and the ugly stand out
Like a beautiful spirit in this cold world
And the extremes of her and me didn't pan out
And made out love unfurl
The adrenaline we rode like jackals ran out
The flame fanned out
The backdrop of our ugly drowned our beauty
And all is left is the memories we longed to see.

If you could fight anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?

2010-10-07T07:16:00.001-07:00

I would probably fight any slave master, Hitler or the man that killed my great grandfather

Ask me anything

I Miss Missing You

2010-09-23T01:42:00.000-07:00

I miss missing you
I never thought I’d see today
Beginning to miss the ache
That shook like earthquakes
I wondered if regret would fade
It became a constant companion
But now it visits with less frequency
My mind is healing itself instinctively
I suppose time heals all wounds
But I wished the pain associated with you still loomed
I swore I’d never love another
All I wanted was to make our plans
When things were new
Our reality
But as life grabs a hold of us I lost touch
And when you were gone
I clung to our pain
Like a dying man who doesn’t want to accept his fate
I’d rather feel the pain of our truth
Then lose the thought of missing your touch
I miss missing you
Like I used to miss kissing you
I miss wishing you
Would reconsider
And surrender to
Our plans when things were new
I miss missing you
Because if you came back now
I’d be through.

Souls of Men

2010-07-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

I almost ran in the back of the same rusty Lincoln 5 times this morning
That rusty car started the chain of
Thoughts
That
Made
Me
Screech
On
My
Brakes
That same rusty car sparked old aches
That once moved my world like earthquakes.
That rust reminded me that everything on this earth changes
And rearranges.
Complicated relationships tangle and untangle,
Perception changes like looking at life from a different angle.
The rusty old car had me thinking of myself.
Once new and green.
Wild eyed and full of optimism.
Now I bend the rules so much
They aren't broken they're mangled,
Twisted and construed stacked on top of each other
Like works of art not to be hung in museums,
But hanging,
Weighing heavily
Making my head hang low.
I've become and artful expression of the evils of the world.
On display.
The souls of men.

Am I Blue?

2010-06-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

Am I Blue?
Or can you tell?
I wear my heart on my sleeve
But I wear a jacket as well
This hate courses through my veins
Sadness flares up like flames
Behind my eyes tears are stored
Inner turmoil in my soul
But am I blue?
Can you tell?
Do I wear it well?

LITANY

2010-06-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

Its so much easier to get up and walk away from a mess, whether you created it or not. Its harder to sit in it and clean it up. Most of the time, we take the easier route, myself included.

LITANY

There are a litany of things
That cloud my head and ease my mind
A litany of memories that ring aloud
When I close my eyes
How soon we forget our personal truths
History repeating
Are our minds aloof?
Babies raising infants
Low eduation and poverty
Is that not our proof?
So have this litany of things
That rings and sings our demise
We display the litany of things that kills our judgement
and clouds our minds.
Those with resouces
Seem too afraid or unwilling to share
And glare saying, "You can't force us"
So they move to better areas
And for a while they escape
But color runs like spilled paint
Until there are enough faces
That look like our faces
Now the new prestine place is
Not so prestine
Now you're off to the races.
But when the majority does the same
You scream racism.
I can appreciate a love/hate relationship for my people
Sometimes efforts to evoke change are feeble
But those who have the means must try
This situation isn't one to let sleeping dogs lie.

When the Love is Gone

2010-06-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

It's nearly 2 a.m.
I've driven this way from Sara's a thousand times
I pass the same patch of cows
While I'm hypnotized by the center lines
In Paris, I wonder if Pierre passes the Eiffel Tower
With the same feeling
While tourist trod up the Champs-Elysees
Mesmerized
He yawns wiping the coals from his eyes
There its nearly 9 a.m.
He's driven this way to Sara's a thousand times
He no longer is in awe of the Tower or Sara
She's become as routine as his drive
And as boring as my cows

Her Side/His Take

2010-06-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

HER SIDE

Never as good as the first time
Got me yearning for the next time
I don’t go out on a limb often
But when I saw you across the room
My heart skipped beats thrice times over
A mirage
Or ethereal
You became my focal point
Your aura murmured masculinity
Your swagger said king
Drawn to you
I wanted to bury my face in your neck
And inhale
Every single molecule
Atom
Ion
Of You
From my glossy lips dripped
Who is that?
Breathe girl you’re staring
Does he see me staring
You caught me staring
A deer in the headlights
I should move
But your light
Had me stuck
Looking away was not an option
I stood outside of myself
And watched
As I approached you
Roll slow homey
Yet it all felt so fast
Before you I stood
Speechless
Grasping for the right words
To say
Hello
My name is
Your better half
Wife
Mother of your babies
Uhm
My name is
Damn what is my name
You smiled
I frowned
What is my name
Next thing I knew our hands were touching
Yours firm and solid
Mine sweaty and shaking
Hoping you’d
One day
Have
All
Of
Me
Sweaty
And Shaking

HIS TAKE

Here I go again
So many fake smiles
So called high times
and fake tag lines
Its stuffy in here
And I don't mean from poor ventillation
or too many bodies
I'm talking from uppity Negroes with too much
Ejumacation.
Until you...
I could tell you were out of place
Here because you felt like this is what we must do
All wined up, trying to unwind
From the daily grind
I had resigned that tonight
was just another busted night
Until I felt eyes glaring
Figured it was another busted chick
Thinking because she's educated and has a job
That I should fall madly
I looked at you and thought gladly
And you may be my love at first write
Because until just now I thought I was just enamored
But writing this peice brought my feelings to light
Like a lantern.
And like a moth
I was drawn to you
Grabbed your hand because the oil had me feeling myself
I remember
Like yesterday
Because I dreamt of you all night.
Woke this morning
Sweaty
And Shaking

It's Mourning

2010-03-31T13:08:00.000-07:00

Its funny, times like these I'd lean to you
Cling to you
Now I sing to you
Cries of pain
I feel my mourning may never end
Before the reality of another day without you sets in
But then I remember the lessons you've taught
To have faith and worry not
You prepared me to withstand your loss
I hurt, oh how I hurt
And times I see more of your face
Than God's saving grace
But I know He is here
And when I think of that I know you're near
And then I see God's amazing grace in your face
In your smile
In our memories
In your hug
And I know I'll always feel your love.
I miss you.

Mas Tankas

2010-03-17T14:41:00.001-07:00

These are the last ones I promise. I found them in my phone and needed to put them out there.

He's Calling

God sent a message
in white silk, like Charlotte's web.
It read, "Take heed son"
Though I saw it in my dreams,
it manifested today.

Fling

I remember now.
Fireworks and fireflies,
white dandelions
to you as sweet mementos
Summer fling until we fall.

The Flake (unfinished)

2010-03-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

I would call you flakey
But the definitiveness of such a label
Would put you in a box that you would inevitably escape from
So I won’t group you into anything with any particularity
Since structure is such a rarity
You’re flakey like warm buttermilk biscuits
Like perfectly prepared grouper
Promises from a whino in a drunken stupor
Your flake knows no bounds
Crosses all color lines, religions and creed

More Tankas

2010-03-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

Hangover

His walk has faltered
Into a tomb his soul falls.
How ripe fruit fades fast
Roosters no longer awake
the drunken man, his thirst does.

Root of this Rut

The somber mood of
these poems scare my woman.
She is fond of my
hands, which no longer caress.
They only secure my head.

Tankas

2010-03-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

BREAK UP

I felt like a fool,
Like one-winged butterfly
something was missing.
I thought I found it in you,
I was green then, now i know.

UNWIND

Peaceful is the night,
when I hear the crickets play.
White shooting stars skip
in the sky taking away
the cares of the day.

Skeletons

2010-01-25T14:27:00.000-08:00

I love her,
I think she knows it
But I’ve never said it
She’s broken many hearts before

I hear those skeletons cry out to me
From the closet as she sleeps next to me
I’ve seen the way they look at me
They envy my place

But they know my days are numbered
And one day I'll join their broken-hearted fraternity
And we'll form one lonely voice
Crying out to the next future brother

At times I hear her heart rumble
She’s a man-eater
And I know it but she has me hooked
She smells the love

I see the frenzy in her eyes
I recognize that look
I’ve broken many hearts before
So maybe she’s met her match

I’ll never tell her
I’ll keep her guessing
Now my plan is hatched
I hope it lasts

But I want what’s real,
No games but it's all I have
A life of playing with emotions,
Ghosts of my past

To be a martyr to my heart
To feel what I’ve dealt
I love her,
I think she knows it

2010-01-19T21:43:00.001-08:00

So what happens when you're caught up in the double life...

His Side
You're as forbidden as Genesis fruit
And as far as living without you
The pain I feel when we're apart is acute
I know we should part ways
But I'm afraid I'll weep like a newborn babe
When we're together it’s like we're on an isle by ourselves
Enthralled in this fairy tale we pray never drifts away
But when we bid our farewells
It’s never fair at all
And though I wish you were there at my every beck and call
Quite frankly we never know when this shaky tower of deceit might fall
And crush our seperate worlds
Either pushing us closer together
Or have us retreating to our significant others
Trying to patch things amidst the stormy weather
Until then you're like the sweetest evil
Tearing me apart at my very base
Wishing I was strong enough to leave the one at home that's so devoted
But I forget about her devotion every time I see your face
If I could just bottle this regret I feel
Right after we part
I'd drink its shame
And keep it near
When I think of your sweet name

Her Take
You leave me
Speechless
Breathless
Longing for the next exchange of air
With you I catch my breath and lose it all over again
I live to inhale you
Hate to exhale you
You pollinate my senses
Giving birth to new feelings
A new awareness of who I am
Better with you
Listless without you
You are my greatest joy
My biggest sin
Every time you go back to her
It’s like I need life support
I wait an eternity for you to resuscitate
Me
His love
A temporary oxygen chamber
Until you return
With my breath of fresh air

God Bless Haiti

2010-01-15T10:53:00.001-08:00

Birth of a nation
Weakened from the lashings
Drained from the tears of yester years
Leaders drunk from the sin
As cutting as the wind
Changing in every direction
Enamored by the smallest glimmer of hope
To cope.
Instability not just brick and mortar
These walls were never built to last
Came down fast
Have and have-nots affected
Maybe now these walls will talk
And forever more be resurrected
At least until our Savior comes
Broken homes and broken bodies
Here's the stage they needed
Too bad the wealth of a nation and its color
Didn't allow the warning to be heeded
Now you see through the lens of a death toll
Far exceeding
Far exceeding what your conscience allows you to ignore
God Bless Haiti
From the smallest blade of grass to the shore
Here's the stage you needed
Too bad the color of a nation
Stopped the warning from being heeded

Forbidden

2010-01-12T16:11:00.001-08:00

You're as forbidden as Genesis fruit
And as far as living without you
The pain I feel when we're apart is acute
I know we should part ways
But I'm afraid I'll weep like a newborn babe
When we're together its like we're on an isle by ourselves
Enthralled in this fairy tale we pray never drifts away
But when we bid our fairwells
Its never fair at all
And though I wish you were there at my every beck and call
Quite frankly we never know when this shaky tower of deceit might fall
And crush our seperate worlds
Either pushing us closer together
Or have us retreating to our significant others
Trying to patch things amidst the stormy weather
Until then you're like the sweetest evil
Tearing me apart at my very base
Wishing I was strong enough to leave the one at home that's so devoted
But I forget about her devotion everytime I see your face
If I could just bottle this regret I feel
Right after we part
I'd drink its shame
And keep it near
When I think of your sweet name.

What happens when you discover love is really infatuation?

2010-01-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

His Side:
Infatuation had me eating to live,
My belly wasn't full
And I didn't fully savor
But I partook of you anyway
It felt like the real thing
Something was missing and I thought it was me
I sprinkled romance and mystery
And because i was fresh out of misery
It tasted sweet like my first love used to make
I realized you don't have to search your soul
For a soul mate
She finds you
And then love binds
I wrestled with infatuation
But love pinned me
Infatuation got me drunk with my head still reeling
Love got me high
And on to the clouds is where I reside
I took what love I lost and replaced it with lust
I have loved and lost and it forever changed me
Then I only wanted infatuation
It was some of the feeling, none of the hurt
Until you come down.
Hungover from the cheap imitation
Pores seeping with regret
You hate love more for driving you to this place
But you're to blame
All attention isn't good attention
And good intentions often leads to the same place as the bad
Infatuation sets you up for the fall
But love conquers all

Her Take:
You are that hot stove that I’m not supposed to touch
Wasn’t supposed to touch
Touched
Now burning
Soul on Fire
Under your influence
I lost sight of my reality
A novice love-r
I was prone to believe you were
Gold
Not pyrite
Love
Not infatuation
And I bought it
I did
A fool and her heart
Are soon parted
Infatuation took me fiend high
And
then
DROPPED
Me
Ignored my tears
Didn’t return my calls
Or Texts
Or E-mails
Or BBMs
Made
A
Fool
Of
Me
Reject
Should have known we don’t really choose who we love

Merry Chrima

2009-12-23T14:31:00.001-08:00

Merry Merry Christmas
Tis the season
And I don't know the particular reason
But I smell treason
I put 10 gifts under the tree
And someone has robbed me
As blind as all three mice combined
I should've known
Things were going as fine as wine
I have two folks I suspect
And a dollar to your dime I'll bet
They've got all ten gifts
But I haven't proved it yet.
I wrapped them oh so neatly
Everyone was in the house so i wrapped them very discreetly
It was time to make my famous rum cake
So i prepared the ingredients and got them ready to bake
So its customary that I sample the rum
And sampled the rum
heck it makes the baking fun
And sampled and sampled
until I had to make a store run
And it gets hazy after this
Maybe I was drugged
But when I woke up the theives had stolen my gifts
Well I guess my neice heard me rumbling
I heard chuckling from the other room
She came in sweetly gave me a kiss
And whispered, "Uncle, thank you for the gifts"
I'm a bafoon, I slept through Christmas
And it was December 26th

His Side/Her Take

2009-11-10T17:15:00.000-08:00

His Side:
Father always said the power of attraction is strong
And although I’m not attracted to your physical
Your “everything else” has me thinking
Can I break the law of the physical to satisfy my mental?
Knowing my physical needs often impairs my mental judgment
Can I make you mine?
How shallow is a man who knows she has it all
Except a beauty that fades
Except a body type that eventually gravity takes as its victim
I’m a man, and I guess this vanity is a symptom
Maybe of my nature
Maybe as a symptom of this world
I know you’d make my seed strong and ready for the world
I know you’ll love me despite my imperfections
And help our potential unfurl
But
If I’m fickle with women who don’t tickle my fancy
And I’m layered like an onion
And I’ve been known to make them cry
I want all my layers to be satisfied
Is it possible or am I chasing after a lie?
Furthermore am I worthy, I’ll ask the Sky.
But I know the answer.
Your “everything else” has me pondering
How shallow am I?

Her Take:
Look at this ninja
He really thinks he’s something great
Special even
Ugh
I really want to tap him on his shoulder and tell him
I SEE THROUGH YOU
Such bravado
Faux swagger
His cologne the fragrant aroma of insecurity
I like him anyway
Because I see his potential to be so much more
I’m not perfect
I’m greeted every morning
By the welcome bell jingle of cellulite
A lil pudge on my tummy
That took residence when I chose career over fitness
Snacking over jogging
BUT
My beauty radiates inside out
I’ll never be a supermodel
But a woman I am
Beyond beautiful
Because the superficial shit
Means nothing to me
I am who I am
And
My father always said a man should love me for just that
Not who he thinks I should be
So my physical is only a partial representation of who I be
Ya dig
I’m too deep for a shallow negro
To ever conceive
The wealth that runs deeps within me

The Beginning...

2009-10-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

HER SIDE

He said he’d call
Yet I’m sitting here
Not so patiently waiting
For nothing
I mean
It’s only been 3 days
72 hours
4320 minutes
Nothing
Did I hallucinate the vibes
Maybe he’s just not that into me
Although he should be
I mean have you seen me
It should have been his pleasure to meet me
And his honor to have even gotten the secret code
To ring my phone
And yet
Nothing
He wasn’t that damn fine anyway
Club lights create illusion
When mixed with the haze of minor intoxication
I mean who does he think he is anyway
Because when he does call
I’m going to play the disinterested
Too late sorry negro role
Could I have given him the wrong number
No
How dare he have me waiting
By this phone
3 days
72 hours
4320 minutes later
For
Nothing

- Zette

HIS TAKE

She didn’t have to get my hopes up
Flirting, dancing giving me insight into her life
And although it was dim in the club I saw her light
I was hesitant to get her secret code
I loathe the idea of “Game”
But I was genuine, but who can tell
I thought she did.
I didn’t want to call her right then and there
To see if her code was real
That’s lame.
I couldn’t even wait the customary 48 hours
It was only 32…
Just to get, “China Pan Buffet, how may I help you?”
DANG!
I was hungry so I had to order.
I wrote this poem on my napkin.
I mean who does she think she is anyway?
There was a haze of minor intoxication
Maybe I heard the wrong number?
72 hours later
I got my hopes up
For
Nothing

- Walt

9 TO 5

2009-10-15T07:25:00.001-07:00

I tied one dollar to each side of my bed post
Since it seemed to be the thing that runs through my head the most
Id pray it wouldn't thrwart these dreams to see the things unseen
And the American American American scheme
Since that's all it seems to be
I work and live life just to work away the strife
A starving artist with love for a craft has to sit back with not
enough funds to buy a calc good thing he took calc
so he could do life's math
a subject they didn't teach in 4th period
And I'm too serious
Life's math quickly adds up to more than what's in my pocket
Because all the things I wanted don't come from a trust fund on my
rich dad's wallet
80s baby with 70s soul, now that's solid
And what's jive is the need to work a 9 to 5 to live a lie
And that's a lie that says I'm happy
Between the days i catch a glimpes of contentment
Which is the real tragedy
I live with resentment for the years i chose contentment

UNTITLED

2009-10-15T07:10:00.001-07:00

I changed the channel on my love once,
hit recall now i'm back to
before the love was lust, lost.
Now at night I toss,
I felt a buzz as I lay there,
reached for my phone but it was a pager there,
true story.
I guess I took it back.
I awoke from a shallow sleep,
thought of you and faded chest deep.
I'm wading in the water,
but I'm fading fast,
still dreaming you haunt me in my sleep
I only miss you because I wish I didn't feel this way,
you let me go because I pushed you,
now i'm begging you to stay.
143s of the past mean nothing now,
love lost is like losing a bet,
I put up my heart.
But doubling down or losing a
round aint nothing like this

LIFE

2009-10-15T07:09:00.001-07:00

I live life so that one day I may live the life I've always longed
I dream strong
I must or the hustle and bustle
Will shuffle my dreams between the seams
That seperate living the life I long
Or growing strong
From the toil

TIRING

2009-10-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

I want to focus on the love
But the hate has me by the collar
I guess its got me hung
I just wanna see the light
Been in the dark so long
It seems its not within my sight
There’s no positivity when
You’ve got no pot to pee in
What good is it to be locked and loaded
When you don’t have a firing pin
It seems life is only inspiring
When its tiring
I wish I could create with no pain

Not to Mention

2009-10-14T18:24:00.001-07:00

Now i know when you said
"Not to mention"
You meant to save that for last
As an exclamation point in your plan to stick to
And though I've had
the opportunity to
Sit through many of these

NOT TO MENTION DISCUSSIONS

I'd rather be licked in the face by a shitzu
Or only have ugly women to kick to
Or get the swine flu
And I know you need to vent
Need someone to whine to
But I'd like to
Focus on fixing this because this relationship is mine too
We're in this together and i signed on the dotted line too
And I could sugar coat this thing
But I know how much you hate to be lied to
Trust I KNOW
You're only 5'2 with enough bite for three K9s times two
Shoot not to mention you've got a 9 too
Now I know you saw how that worked
I meant to mention the 9 and frankly I did it because I was itching to tell
you the truth
That every time I hear a car backfire, after we're riftin
I hit the deck and yell shots fired
You meant it, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned at all.
I think you just wanna rub it in
So next time mention it all
And if you forget something just say it

Bottle It

2009-10-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

I wish I could bottle this feeling
Drink it when i fell from my senses
Meet you for lunch to catch up
Spike your punch
I once said I wouldn't wish this misery on my enemy
But you're better than that
Which is why it hurts when you fell from that
Whatever it is that love's euphoria had me engrossed in
What took me to a point so high
Dropped me from free fall
It feels like you'll lose your lunch
But you haven't eaten in days
And that's it right there
That sick feeling
Right in the pit
Amazing how the emotional manifests
Now its physical and I'm a mess.
Oh how I wish I could bottle this.
I'd sell it to those who have thoughts of going back.
Returning to the scene of your own crime
Fighting the urges you felt right before you fell.
Those thoughts like beautiful torture.
Dancing in your head
That same place you feel your pit churning
To suppress the yearning you hate yourself for feeling
I'd sell it for a little less then your dignity
So you could have it back.

Evolution of a Cheating Heart

2009-10-09T12:35:00.001-07:00

Evolution of a Cheating Heart
A need to conquer like Bonaparte?
Two lives once together now a world apart.
Cheating thoughts rewind and replay like syndication
Ripping you from elevation
The pedestal you once stood tall on
Forever tainted because etched in her mind is the painting
Split Screen...
You panting and her at home waiting
The evolution of a cheating heart never contemplates
The sick feeling in the pit
Or the initial fit
Of rage.
Maybe one day she can turn the page
But unlikely
You tied the noose around your trust too tightly
If the initial snap wont kill it
The lingering feeling of tainted intimacy
Will snuff out the flame quicker then no oxygen
So come with me
Imagine when
Imagine how that blow felt
Below the belt
When she found out someone was playing below yours
And because when it rains it pours
It wasn't one of your average run of the mill whores
It was a sister from another mister
A bossom buddy that wanted your cutty
Day and Night
The Lonely Loner seems to free her inhibitions at night
At At At Night.
The evolution of a cheating heart
Whether slow or fast
Burns and scorns the same.
Until it snuffs out pure love's flame.

2009-08-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

Its easy to say you got me when you got nothing
Never had, if you did
You'd be so afraid to eat those words
That whatever you had you hid
You're the worst kind
You couldn't see yourself
You wouldn't see yourself
Maybe if you were Truman and you bought the complete box set
Limited edition
With editors commentary
Special features with psychiatrist commentary
And Psyche profile
And even then I think it would be futile
You don't see it because you hate who you are
Or love yourself too much to drop yourself off that pedestal
But I promise its inevitable
Sooner or later we come face to face with our star player

Recall

2009-08-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

I changed the channel on my love once, hit recall now i'm back to before the love was lust, lost. Now at night I toss, I felt a buzz as I lay there, reached for my phone but it was a pager there, true story. I guess I took it back. I awoke from a shallow sleep, thought of you and faded chest deep. I'm wading in the water, but I'm fading fast, still dreaming you haunt me in my sleep I only miss you because I wish I didn't feel this way, you let me go because I pushed you, now i'm begging you to stay. 143s of the past mean nothing now, love lost is like losing a bet, I put up my heart. But doubling down or losing a round aint nothing like this. So I channel search through the fish of the sea, but I always find my mind on you, 143. I know deep down you're not four me. So why when i'm in the middle of another program, I'm drawn to you, my previous channel.

Blue

2009-07-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

Our love isn't predicated
At least until now
But I'm dedicated
We come from two worlds but we match right
Areas of gray mix the love with black and white
Occupied by lesser things
Or so it seems
Amidst the turmoil I felt my blood boil
I was into her, and she wasn't so into him
But they both hurt the same
And to borrow from X
How could I maintain with that s&#$ on my brain
I'd lie if I said it still wasn't
She was before you and he was before me
But it was still there for our eyes to see
Ironic that what we didn't see hurts the most
I now wish I could erase what I imagine when he held you close
I sit and stare and it leaves me heart broken
Maybe it will just take more time,
But every time I hear certain words spoken
I revert to the blank stare my stomach turns,
It's like our love is choking
And the gift is I need you more then ever
The curse is I need you more then ever
Lovers dream of running away together
I'd gladly run from the stormy weather
With us hand in hand
Its like we're in the eye of the storm
Swept away by our thoughts, this world, ourselves
What if what we've found together isn't enough?
And I know the road will be tough.
And because I admit that you wonder,
Does that mean I won't be there when things get rough?

Men aint $(*%

2009-06-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

It might just be you,
I know, I know its hard to believe its true.
You're alone because no one is worthy.
You won't settle you don't care if you're 30.
And I completely understand not settling
And don't take this as me meddling...
But maybe you should get off Match.com
And try Lower Expectations.
Now before you go getting your panties in a wad
Think hard.
Let me put you up on something you already know but ignore.
Men make time for what's important in their lives
And just because he has qualities that you like
That doesn't make him Mr. Right
And especially if to him you're Ms. Wrong
All that you want doesn't necessarily want you
Think of the times you've rejected
Did you think it was a problem you had that made you deflect him?
Naw it was him.
Now does that make sense?
I used to want to prove you wrong
But if you can’t see its you on your own
Why waste my time?
Besides if you were on his radar
He would have stepped up and made a move
But you’re like gum on the bottom of some shoes
Annoying and a hassle
And only there because some cat dropped you
Now I’m the bad guy when your friends are the ones who failed you
When I slip mine tell me the reason for the stumble
Nothing like real friends to keep you humble
But when you fall your friends blame us all
Men hear and sense the negativity
If only I had a mirror that you wouldn’t question
To show your true self
You may wonder why I bother
If I hear “Men aint Shi” one more time
I need someone to tickle my fancy
And quite frankly
You may not have the fingers for it
Or maybe that's not my spot
And maybe you're just not hot.
For whatever reason
Love is like God it'll meet you where you are.
So if you're at a place where "Men aint S(&*"
Then they probably aren't.

Truth

2009-06-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

The truth is stoic
Unbending in its arrogance
Sought after by the noble and pauper alike
Dodged by those with ignoble intentions
Feared by the same at any mention
Ugly and Beautiful
Skewed by your looking glass
The truth
Starter and the end all of wars
Creator of loyalty
Elusive and sometimes bitter
Some say its the key from enslavement
With the ability to set you free
Decreasingly the answer in a cold sick world
It dwells in some more then others
The truth
Torn by the gnashing of teeth
Battered by those who try to twist and bend
Loosening with the help of the "oil"
"Drank" or wine
The truth.
Stoic.
You can almost hear its absoluteness,
Though we long to beat it.
Join it.
It may set you free.

Back Drop

2009-06-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning
Shook the coal from my eye and pondered about my love
I thought I would simply write then,
At that very moment…
But I couldn’t find my pen
Plus I was late.
I found the words I wanted all day
They came to me like begging gypsies in Rome
You’re my world,
No, no how my world was nothing without you
I dream about you,
No, no how you were a dream,
My dream.
But then I realized.
You were a beautiful person
But only because the back drop of this world was so ugly
Or is it just human to love our imperfections
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not putting my love for you in question
Its just I’m inside my head from sun up to sun down
And I know my way of thinking is flawed
And I don’t consider myself the most wacked out person around
But there are some sick thoughts inside my head
And I thank the heavens I have a conscience I can’t shed
Cause if not the snake would be in full force
And of course my inner self may rear its ugly head
I just gather that what we both love
We hate.
And what we long for
We run away from,
And what we live for
We won’t always die for
I just gather that’s what makes us human
Imperfect.
So you are a beautiful person, and the back drop of this work is ugly.
And we made it that way.
So if you shine amidst the imperfection…
You are my dream and my world.

Limbo: Part Deux

2009-06-06T14:48:00.000-07:00

So you flee from the insanity
Just to get roped back in
This love rodeo’s got your heart bucking all over
Wishing this ride would be over
Or maybe if you could become a little colder
Reach that breaking point
Take the stake out of your heart
And draw a line in the sand
Raise a flag that says
“Limbo, Never to Return Again”
But as soon as the tide rises
Lonely nights, late evening surprises
Hormones aren’t subsiding
You step back into no man’s land
Where complication and confusion rule
Where you eat the words, “I’ll be no one’s fool”
Perplexed again, you failed that test again
So you call your next of kin
They say there you go with that mess again
Couldn’t fight that flesh and win.
Good enough to lay, but not good enough to stay.
Oh, this limbo that we’re in.
Please address it
Or assess the years lost and the damage cost.
Limbo leaves the scorn and broken hearted.
Wasted love and Cupid’s discarded
Oh if we could recognize the signs.
Or push a button that would remind
About the times you laid motionless
Mind racing, hoping this
Indecisiveness, draining stagnate time would move on
Trade the grey for contrasting shades of black and white
I wish she'd let go, or hold tight.

Limbo: Part I

2009-06-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

We started like they all start
Lofty ideals, kisses on the neck giving us full-body chills
Thoughts of, “Maybe this is the real deal”
She was beautiful, he was fine as…well
Noses wide open,
You both had that new car smell,
And you were giving each other a spin,
So the representative slowly faded away and apprehension snuck in
You wanted to try your luck then,
Now your heart’s tucked in
But those feelings developed, not to a point of no return
But to be lost, IN LIMBO.
Oh I said it, some of your hearts sank
Your brain and your heart floating, stomach tied in knots
One day you’re cold the next day you’re hot
You want him when he doesn’t want you
Your minds playing tricks on you.
Its not worth it to keep going, but you’re invested
Or maybe you’re in between break ups,
And he’s just so familiar, “Heck I have 2 years indebted”
He owes me my happiness and the American dream
But you can’t understand why its like your sanity is busting at the seams
Let go.
Its limbo.
But what if things change?
Do I just let go at the first sign of rain?
Life and love sometimes bring pain.
I can endure a while longer,
And even if it doesn’t turn out right, at least I’ll be stronger, right?
I imagine breaking free from this bondage
Suspended with no strings
Constantly offensive or offended
What does this limbo mean?
Nothing confuses more then the tug of war with your heart and mind
Understanding doesn’t always come with time

Back then...when

2009-05-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

When the only thing that made you cry was a scraped knee
Maybe a mean kid not sharing
Jumping off swings, double-dog-daring
Catching june bugs, sipping cool tea out of mugs
Foot races, kool-aid stained smiling faces
When things were easy and care-free
Running and rarely getting tired
Baths and swinging on tires
Bubble baths and sleepovers
Scary stories, “Red Rover, Red Rover”
Spreading your arms, imagining you can fly
Picking out images of clouds in the sky
Oh back then, when things were so simple.
Recess and May Day,
Thinking girls had the cooties,
Well some things never change.
Back then.

Remised

2009-05-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

I teared up at the thought of a future I knew I couldn’t have
Amidst the hustle and bustle of life I lost my grasp
On what was important, and I knew it
Things were so fluid
I got washed away
In between the chaos, hard times I’d call on Him
I’d fast, I would pray
But just enough to quiet my own soul’s rumbling
I chalked up my stumbling to growing pains
To a growth stunting mentality of I’ll never be perfect
Oh but when it rains
It scorns.
Or breathes new life.
I remember when adversity was welcomed in my world
But as I look back, it only sprinkled then.
Now the rain comes as if it will never end.
Or at least it seems.
We can't explain the human heart and its battle with the mind.
I can’t find the time to unravel its rhyme
Or reason, because even with the seasons changing
And life rearranging
I still need you.
I’d be remised if I lied and told you I didn’t write this for you
I’d be remised if I told you I didn’t wake up longing for your kiss
If I didn’t long for that 15 seconds of bliss as I wake
15 seconds of ignorance to my current circumstance
15 seconds of heaven right here on earth
15 seconds of rebirth
Until I’m reminded I’m here living without you.
I pray that those seconds get longer.
Or my heart grows colder, grows stronger.

The Sincerely Lost

2009-05-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

Sincerity is a rarity
Or is it that we live in a world of consummate skepticism
Jaded realism and masked moments of clarity?
I welcome the sincere
But the sincere become cold
Hiding in the open
Too tired to give themselves
Siding with the faux to cope and
Longing for the shimmer of sincere hope and
Relieving themselves of hurt that sometimes sincerity brings
To smaller, petty, less human things
It’s easy to suppress emotions before they start
Lock away your heart
It’s simple to keep the feet on your heart nimble
Focusing on your body your temple
While the inside of that temple is frigid
Maintaining career, school and the shallow social is easy
But your heart’s complexity
Perplexes thee
So lock sincerity away
No lock and key
If someone finds it they won’t recognize it anyway
Lord keep my sincerity

"Sincerity is an openness of heart; we find it in very few people; what we usually see is only an artful dissimulation to win the confidence of others."

LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, Reflections

Boat

2009-05-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

I grew weary of the way this thing was progressing
Grew tired of the commotion, hard feelings and stressing
I knew if God was testing I was failing fast
My heart was sailing fast
To a place it had never been before
True I felt heartache, heart break but never like this
My heart was jumping like a hyper kid in mid-summer church service
Hot as a furnace
My friends tried to wave the fans of "Let God handle it"
But I was intent on letting this hyper active desire consume me
Besides as soon as I was alone the fans just reminded me where I was
Bound by the decisions of another
Diced, chopped, smothered and covered
Is how this made my heart felt
No question my plea is heart felt
All along I figured I had it all figured
Who would have thought I'd pursue the unpursuable with so much vigor
So slow usually to pull the trigger, but with her mine was hair-pin
Let it go, if I could only care when
I wanted.
Now my love is on a platter, flaunted.
Picked at and laid flat.
I'm a boat.
If only she could toss me back or take me home.
I'd surely take either.
Oh how I long to see her.

Tugging

2009-05-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

She had such a grip
Tight lipped when she slipped through
Couldn't help but be blue
The thought of not being able to make her rainy days anew
My sun would shine through if only she really knew
She had a pull
She kept me full of a longing
Intriguing
She'd tug at me rather she was near or not
At random I'd feel what was her phantom
Perfume or sweet smile
Wacky laugh
I'll never be the same
Oh how the aftermath I pray is loves true grasp
I pray at last
This isn't just a crossing of paths

wishing

2009-04-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

i wish i was finished with what I started, my dreams never thwarted, every woman i wanted wasn't already courted. my shoes were never scuffed, i loved and felt loved more then enough. when times got rough you would hold my hand, i could hike mountains by day and by night watch the stars in the sand, i'd wish upon them all until my lids started to fall. i wish my purpose was realized, all my plans materialized, gave all i could give and still had time to live. i wish food that was good for you tasted good, my people weren't misunderstood. i wish i could do it all so i couldn't say no. i wish my neice and nephew wouldn't grow, their innocence is like gold. i wish i knew what you needed to know, so i could teach you where to go in this life i implore is worth living. i wish my heart sometimes was less forgiving. i wish for 3 more wishes. i wish i wasn't afraid of rejection, but i thank GOD for his intercession. i wish for less reflection and more Godly connection. i simply wish i never stop wishing. i wish more people understood me, i hate mystery. i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish when life gets to me i wished a little harder. i wish we all realized wishing was living.

Trite

2008-06-12T09:12:00.001-07:00

All poems about the truth of the world seem…
Well, self righteous
I understand
The truth often seems trite
The truth is: We know very little about a lot
Our lots in life, we could change
If we knew a lot
Who knows if things will ever change or not
Knowing the truth is all we got
When it alludes your perception you know you have to stop
And find where it hides
Knowledge is only power when you move your feet
Application is like plugging in the light so you can see
Reboot, Refresh, Revamp, Review, Remind, Repeat
Badu plus 3
All so keen to see the fruition of a dream
I am not fool, add some loot
Or cheese my eyes are green like Badu
I need lamb and seed
With a fam to feed
Every man’s in need
Maybe he’s got his hand in greed
Or hungry enough he’ll scam and flee
Land and deeds
Understand the thieves
Revamp, reread
Come back, achieve
We lack, oh we lack, we bleed
I’m weak, I see
Knowledge is only power when you move your feet
All poems about the truth seem the same
Self-righteous
I understand
Just because I know I may hurt a man
Is it enough to push me to take my own hand
Because I know the truth to be trite
When the truth be told do I run from the fight.
So say it anyway.

Irrationale

2008-06-12T08:59:00.001-07:00

Irrationality

She said be gentle with her heart
The one before kicked it around
Which made her cringe when I came around
No one wants anything but the best
But most keep the worst on the horizon of one’s mind
Before love…
We’re on the pendulum of hope and skepticism
Some turned from scorned, seasoned skeptics
To smitten children when love hits
We’re both scared, we never know where life takes us
Because we fear it will break us
Its like the contemplation of inebriation
We know it may take us out of our right mind
Into love
So does love equal insanity
I believe it’s a consequence of love in its truest form
Its rationale to want companionship
So why does it turn us into irrational beings?

Lust for Power

2008-04-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hopeless romantic
So frantic
And panicked
She’s in the craziest positions
To let the man with the deep pockets
Have it
Or at least manage
Her spending habits
So the bold thief who robs by day
Like a bandit
Takes her goodies
Yes Indeed
To feed a need
Increase a seed
We leave
Race or creed
Feel free
To agree
So once again we flee
Leaving her riddled
Confused with a greater hate then before
Thrust upon her
To rape
In turn killing ourselves
Collaterally
Emphatically
Tactically
Democratically
So sad to see.

Hilarious Video

2008-04-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

I want these guys to be internet super stars...so I'm posting this...watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m69RQpxcO6Y

Life and Love

2008-04-01T21:43:00.001-07:00

Come and gone to me
Love is just a song
We cherish it for what it gives
Taking us to a place we long to relive
And Relive
Giving us chills, and thrills
But like a anxious child
Who’s mind isn’t wrapped around the restraints
It’s body lends
Running eagerly to explore
Inevitably she will take a spill
To get up and learn
New love will clean you up and dust you off
If you let it.
Now the same chills we once invited
Only relives this gaping emptiness we feel
The scraped knee untended to, like your heart
Leaves scars
And although we know one day WE shall pass
Death of the body, doesn’t kill this love
As precious as the gift of life is, we can choose to take it
So how much more precious is love?
It can be cut down, in our minds we can abhor it, deplore it
But it lives on,
Life can be taken in a second
But only time mends the broken-hearted
But it will never take you back to where you started
Love is like a song.
A favorite song revisited still etched in your mind
May not get a full play
But the first note rushes thoughts through you head
And you revisit how you once felt
Its been such a long time, it seems
But those words and what they once meant
Won’t be forgotten.

Dreamgirl

2008-02-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

Saw her in my dreams
In the flesh I couldn’t fathom
As real as it could feel I can only imagine
I needed more so I dreamt on
And on
Prayed before I laid
I hope I’d see her again
Night turned into day
Too soon
Day dreaming just wasn’t the same
So I smiled as the moon came
Journey through the pillow
Wishing it would bring me closer
How could I want her?
She came to me in my dreams only once
What an obsession
How its got me pressing
Anxious now I can’t sleep
She’s not real, how could I be in this deep?
Bring her to life.
I swore if I saw her
She’d change my sight
To see things clearer is what I long for
She’s what I’m preparing my
Mind, Body and spirit for.

The Fitting

2008-02-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

From my back I’ll be lifting
SO when I’m drifting into the sea of uncertainty
My core is strong with no shifting
Of my ideals because my propensity of inequity
Is as inevitable as the intensity of evil I see
Upon the horizon of great change of bigger and better thangs
If I remain the same, or came up lame even when the challenge remained
I’d regret allowing the net of fowler’s snare
Create this despair with no repair
So as inevitable as my blank stare lingers
When taking heed is on the end of my fingers
I’d call on the ringer of all ringers
To shake the man in the mirror
To make things just a little bit clearer
But still I fear her
This beautiful yet unknown future
Will I suit her?
Or will she spit me out
I could say I knew her
But what good does it do to have seen the light
If I don’t follow it, how can I take flight
Remiss this plight I feel we now find alright
Because its ours, you don’t have to stay in your mess
Increasingly sleeping on a present situation
You wonder why your blessing is swept
Under the rug because its you that slept
Off the path, its not that you’re inept
You fret because you’re afraid to take that first step
So increasingly I change my propensity to slack
Taking more then one step back to see the things I lack
For if I can address this broken record
And not listen to this played out track
Keep my mind, soul and body intact
I’ll meet this horizon of great change
And rearrange my blank page
Lay down this rage,
Release my soul from this cage
Pour it out like the water of a cascade
Til then I’ll be lifting
Because in this sea of uncertainty
They’ll inevitably be shifting
Rest assured they’ll be twisting
But from this comes the triumph of the fitting.

Comfortably Agitated

2008-01-14T23:24:00.000-08:00

Discomfort equals agitation. Once you are agitated, you have a decision to make, you relieve that agitation or you grit and bear it. We have all been in a situation where we recognize we need to move, but that itch or agitation is bearable enough to stay put. You can relate this to anything, dead-end job, bad relationship, etc. Often times, the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure or complacency keep us from relieving ourselves of bad situations.

It’s all about tolerance. If you can tolerate the agitation you current state is pressing upon you for whatever reason, you’re less likely to move out of it. For example, the turning point in a relationship that is on its way to ending. Certain things that didn’t bother you before bother you. Doubt sets in about whether this person is for you or not. However, this is overrun by the fear of being alone. You may be so intertwined with that person and their life that getting out will cause more discomfort. Maybe you just don’t want to start over again. Transition and change are always scary, but can be exciting. Sometimes it’s just your time to move on, whatever the situation may be. Discomfort is not always bad.

Comfort or complacency equals stagnation. We’ve all been there too. Things are comfortable in our lives. We are decent. Things can always be going better, but things are alright. We fall into the mediocre. Our job isn’t what we dreamed of, but at least we are working (some people don’t have jobs). Billy treats Sue like crap sometimes, belittles her on occasion, but he provides for her and plans to marry her in the next ten years. We often get caught in the daily grind, and our hopes and aspirations get lost in the shuffle. Complacency has the tendency to kill innovation, stifle creativity, and destroy progression. But, comfort is not always bad either.

I am convinced that living with a good balance of discomfort and comfort is key to living life to the fullest. Yes, I am making ends meet, and I am provided for, but I want more. Yes, I’m comfortable in this relationship, but has it become stagnate? Am I settling? I’m comfortable living in my hometown, but are there opportunities elsewhere that I should pursue. I don’t advocate creating discomfort in your life, but if it is the byproduct of a pursuit towards something greater, welcome and embrace it.

Reserves

2008-01-04T00:37:00.000-08:00

We were in the thick of things if you will
As thick as thieves with a sleeve full of tricks
Hearts as heavy as bricks
Always on the up and up never slick
But she clipped out all the good and left the average man
So my warm welcomes turned to cold goodbyes
Open arms to folded ones
Come hither stares to barely there
Falling out of love is slow and painfully draining
Dark clouds loom we both waiting for it to start raining
State of emergency call in the reserves

Howd you get away never though I’d see the day
I’d look back and regret
I wish I could go back to when we met
Nervous cold sweat
You swept no fret two stepped into
My world
Heavy heart
Cold shoulder
Too sharp
Don’t harp on your past
I wasn’t there don’t
Give up
Give us
One chance
To erase this damaged warped view of the world
Perhaps maybe
Let go
Bag lady,
You’re going to hurt your chance
Carrying all those those bags like that.
Love me
Change me
Keep hope
In your mind without it, you’ll feel numb
Can’t you see the good
In you
Shine bright
Hold tight
We’ve got the world to conquer
One step
Two minds
Your heart
Trust me.

Stripped

2008-01-04T00:35:00.000-08:00

I stripped down
I’ve walked a thousand miles in my shoes
So I strip down to my bare feet
Take a while to feel the grass beneath
I walked and wore my soles down
Soul searching until I kneeled down
Unlaced from the less important things
Retraced my journey to learn from the things I have seen
Life is lived in the grays
Infinite shades
We say, live day-by-day
But we all live today with tomorrow in mind
If not you’ll fall behind
To catch a ride on a meaningful journey
Can I buy a ticket?
We’re all unfit, the blind leading the blind
I can’t retrace the steps he’s taking
The blind have many faces
Many qualms, different color palms
Embrace them.
Because we all are just living
Retrace the steps of father time
We all live lives, until we die.
I pray when I look back and retrace my steps
I dug deep
Will I ever sleep?

ENCHANTED

2007-11-29T01:59:00.001-08:00

Its inevitable like an, “I told you so”
After a wrong turn
When the soul yearns
Unfed, so it slow burns
Melted.
My world’s so unfurled
So inevitable like clean up on aisle 7
After an abrupt cart swerve
We hit unexpectedly
Its like you came for a purpose
A present
I came and left, so you’d miss my kiss
We caressed and pushed away so you’d feel
The effects of my warmth
I teased with my lips
So when they planted, you’d pull me close
I’d never tell you not to come and go as you please
Your choice makes out time all worth while
I’d make your reality a fantasy
Enchantedly?

DADDY

2007-11-29T01:58:00.000-08:00

She came into her own
Absence of her daddy left her grown
Too early
Into the dawn she’d walk
Into the arms of another she’d stalk the good life
Or what she thought of it
Strong arms, false sense of shelter
Pretty face, so this is what the cards dealt her
Fully harnessing the power she was given
Not knowing it would fade
She glitter like a gem
I called her Jade
Faded pictures of a jaded woman
With stories of the empty days
Full of empty cheers
Warm bodies, but lonely nights
Faded into lonely days
She’d fill her cup
For her intuition begged for attention
But left her wanting and wishing
For real love
In a world full of deception
She’d need to seek the One
Not found in any man
But the Savior, of all who’s lost
Man only brings empty promises
Hidden motives
And potent pheromones
Lust and disaster
But when you trust in the Master
He’ll lead you the one who’ll put you first on this earth.

BLEED

2007-11-14T13:15:00.001-08:00

Unattainable always creates a need to conquer
In the man who knows no bounds
The wise, binds himself,
But leaps in the eyes of the unfaithful
For he sees the net
With no fret, he stands strong
But walks meager
Humility allows the faithful to glide,
On the Promises of the Most High
The crooked path, left me tired
Straight and narrow left me fulfilled
But I couldn’t stay balanced
I threw myself on the fire,
Because I didn’t think I would burn
I pricked my fingers on the beautiful thorns
She gave me nothing.
I bled a rose.
My blood fed the soil of my soul
Because I learn and grown through my indiscretion
He wouldn’t let me bleed for nothing.
On edge of my heels,
My destiny clips.
So I walk meager,
Let my mind bleed the words
To allow my feet to glide.

Urges

2007-11-13T21:20:00.001-08:00

My spoken word
Full of token verbs
And broken terms
Beautifully entrap all that’s within
From the ripe ole age of ten
I’ve envisioned a vision so deeply rooted in love.
I protected the ideals of romanticized views
Which now gives me the blues
Because I bore it in my mind my roots so fulfilling
Without them I’d surely lose a grip
I’d sip, slowly from the nectar of fire water
Known as the fire starter
Until my stomach spewed the heat of indiscretion
Reached my mouth, my actions
No circumvention
I folly from time to time, slowly bred on occasion
Spawn in a mind slowly salting my urges
To purge my faulty thoughts
Born to action.
Splurging your soul, soon grows old
Til you’re empty, fill an earthly need
A dead sown seed.
Take heed.

Lost Touch

2007-11-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

I held on til I lost touch
Fell into a trance from first glance
My last chance, after this I’d fall from grace
Since 18, you had me
Ripped my heart in half
I was on cloud nine
In too deep
Its as though your body seeps in mine
Mindless love, while I'm in our world
Nothing else matters
The cares of the world lost in your eyes
Listen to the rain
The pitter pat
Whether its this or that
With you its better
Seconds cut into pieces
Hours like fragments in time
I'd shorten my time here cause our time feels like heaven
But I held on til you lost touch
With reality, my presence
I thought was a present, but it was the end of a future
As I look to the past I wonder where I failed
Cause when it rained, it poured
And turned to hail
Dented my frame of mind
And this came to mind
I held onto you because I lost touch

Rocky Ground

2007-10-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

I’ve come to the conclusion, as I often do in the wee hours of the morning life is about maneuvering. I’ll start at the ground level. We have all heard the parable, “Seeds that fall on fertile ground reap bountifully and those that fall on rocky ground are washed away. I get the parable, but what amazes me about the seed that falls on fertile ground, it always knows which way is up. I have never seen a seed with a “This End UP” label. Furthermore, the plant grows two ways. Its roots grow downward and bloom upwards. Despite gravity, despite having to push through the soil, the beauty comes from beneath the ground, and the strength stays deeply rooted, underneath. Where am I going with this? Like most writers (and I call myself a writer very loosely), they write from underneath, at least that’s where I write from. Alone, amidst my soil or strung about on the rocks, I write. However, I have a gift that flowers do not have; a seed effectively has one shot at making it. I have fallen on rocky ground, fertile soil, and sometimes I did not fall at all I was swooped up by fowl, or never settled because the wind blew me to and fro. Nevertheless, no matter my surroundings, the origin of what I write comes from that place, wherever it may be. I say this, because no matter where you land, its about maneuvering where you are.
What never ceases to amaze me, is that when I’m floating or lost or amidst the rocky soil, I write my most inspired pieces. To quote my own work, “My mood sways, I relish in the good times, but learn and grow in the low…” Hard times breed pain, but it also breeds reflection. Reflection is the tool given to us that allows change, being able to look into oneself objectively is truly a gift. Writing from the rocky places gives me a clarity like no other. On the other hand, when I am surrounded by good people, discipline, a plan, good soil, I always know which way is up. But being in a good place doesn’t mean that you are content. A friend told me, contentment is the grim reaper of progress. Not to sound trite, but pressure busts pipes, but it also as writing is concerned can create an explosion of ideas, thoughts, creativity and progression. And its not my progress, I’m so concerned about, if I can write to boost someone else, I’m as happy as I can be.

Vessel

2007-10-02T20:22:00.001-07:00

Reprise (unfinished)

2007-09-28T02:06:00.001-07:00

Ba Da Ba…
Ba Da Ba…
Close your eyes
Is that a reprise
For my ears to see
Oh how I love to freely kill
The pains for today
Scroll. Double-click. Or Press Play.
And fade away.
I hear the same words all day.
Put to song makes them fat.
They stick, how my love handles.
Playing over and over in my mind.
Reprise.
Yes please.

I could hardly tell...

2007-09-28T01:54:00.001-07:00

I could hardly tell you the truth
I didn’t know it myself for sure
In perpetual limbo
Irreparable trust
I made the hard look simple
When it wasn’t
Now I look hard trying to find
When our love got wrinkled
You gave more then you had
On borrowed time I tried but you won’t look back
Guess I’m the proverbial pillar of salt
I could hardly give what you gave
I thought I was in love, but you knew
I said it unsure,
When I started to fight
You’d given up the battles
Let me back in
If only knew then
I concluded that it was me that love always
Alluded.
Now I’m suited and booted.
And you can’t trust it
I’m out of limbo.
And now you’re in my shoes.
Because….how was I to know for sure
I could hardly tell.
Now there’s no telling you different.

Cooler then the other side of the Chillow...

2007-09-28T01:50:00.001-07:00

Commitment phobia? I had a conversation in the wee hours of the night about this phenomenon. I’ve come to my own conclusion that commitment phobia is not only a defense mechanism, but a cop out, a relationship fiction and euphemism for, “What I got going right now, just isn’t really what I’m looking for.” Let me address each, one at a time.
Defense mechanism: “I’m just a commitment phob, I feel the pressure, and I just want to get out.” To me that says, “I’m at a point with this person, where I have to give more, or get out. I’ve had bad experiences in the past where I’ve given my all, and I got burned, and I’m not willing to give more right now.” Very valid. Though I don’t understand, cause I can’t put every woman in the same boat, do they have common characteristics, yes, but will they all inevitably treat me the same, no. For example, you can put a thousand people in the same situation, and I bet you have a thousand different reactions to that situation. So how can you expect that two persons, who get together in complex human interaction, will create the same relationship? Furthermore, we have to look at ourselves, if you keep getting into relationships and they end badly or don’t go well, what is the common factor? YOU! Maybe you should evaluate the type of people you choose to associate with. But then again, maybe its everyone else’s fault. I say keep your guard up to a degree, but there comes a point you got to sacrifice yourself to find happiness.

Cop out: Sounds good. “Yeah we’re kicking it, I just wanna have fun right now. I’m really afraid of commitments.” Do you blame em, really? Probably getting out of the “kicking it” he/she would get out of the relationship anyway, why make it anything else?

“What I got going on right now, just isn’t what I’m looking for.”: Also, you just aint good enough. If you was really good enough, I wouldn’t be phobic about us, cause you’re all I need/want. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that there are people out there, that in the face of happiness they run the other way, cause they feel they don’t deserve to be happy. Furthermore, I understand there are cases of people, just being afraid of being tied down, but I think in general “commitment phobia” is 95% bull. For example, all your life you wanted to visit the Eiffel Tower, and you get a chance to do it, and all you gotta do is jump on the plane. Are you not going to jump on the plane? I hear you though, well things aren’t right right now, I want to go when I have more time to visit. I have to work on Monday, I’m going to have jet lag. Dang, that’s a seven hour flight, that’s a long flight. I don’t even speak French, how am I going to talk to people when I get there? Am I going to be in first class, I don’t fly coach. My point is, there will always be an excuse, the timing will never be right. I think the measure of a person lies in the ability to realize nothing is for sure, and life does pass us by.

“So when its time, its time, and hopefully I’m in the front of the line”

- Lou

Daddy

2007-09-19T01:09:00.000-07:00

She had a father not a daddy he wasn’t there
Physically with no emotion its like he didn’t care
For attention she’d rebel
But he didn’t see
Too busy womanizing being the man she would later seek
Too much to handle so she search for daddy
IN the world she gave herself to find her worth
Ruined from the start
From her pants she gave her heart
Completely incomplete
Can mean only missing one piece
But its deeper then one could even see
She was sought after
But she couldn’t fulfill her need with what they sought
Her rock left, he wasn’t ready
Father.
She reminded him of his past,
Couldn’t stand to think
A man would treat her like something he once stood on
To walk over his angel
Her eyes reminded him of his sins
Of the father.
He wasn’t ready, because he wasn’t anyone’s rock.
Knew he was selfish, had for years
Told himself it was the best until he believed it
Now she searches for him,
But knows he’s long gone,
So she sought what he should have left her
In other men.
Oh, she was sought after
And was seeking on her own
Completely incomplete
But she couldn’t put her finger on that one piece
But what made her incomplete wasn’t what was missing
It was her dedicating her life to seeking what was already gone.

THORN

2007-09-17T22:59:00.001-07:00

If you’d just hold on
I’d make the very command of your wish fade away
And be your shooting star
If you’d just hold on
My thoughts would wander in yours
And mesh because they belong together
If you’d hold on
We’d unravel our lives
Promising never to fold
Prove that love is not a losing game
I want to change your whole world
Shake it and stir
Inside and out
Highs lows and in between
Remove all thought of you letting go
Create in us a tie so strong
If you’d hold onto me
We’ll make us one
But you’d let go as sure as babies cry
My Beautifully painful thorn
We often adorn that which makes our hearts bleed
The beautiful woman silly men chase
Not every rose has its thorn
Sometimes they’re horns well placed
Pricking at your side
Through it all I held on
The tolerance for a pain now I feel nothing
But as sure as the past repeats itself
You let go
I dripped my joy as you pricked it

LISTEN (revisited)

2007-09-10T23:47:00.001-07:00

I wish I could sing
We all do it seems
To fully express one’s feelings in song
Seems to hit home
Or strike a cord just right
Melody to know he’s into she
Or she’s into thee
Perhaps she’ll be or is into me
Forget a written note
I’d write a song made for her ear
To somewhere near that intangible feel
She couldn’t place, but just knew
Quibbling over where this feeling comes from only…
Breaks her high, she simply wants to know that this pleasing
Yet intense, yet uncertain
Simply expressed array of emotions
Which took her to a place of highs and lows
Was only for her
She gave and pulled back for fear the song would end
Or change to a different genre then when it started
The blues without the R
But I’d sing to her if only I could
Or if inside I knew she would listen
From a simple guitar
I'd pluck her strings
Fading into a whisper
And once we both knew,
It would be the song that kept our love enduring
Keeping us warm in the winter
If only she’d listen.

COLD

2007-09-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

Moved against the grain
It made me tender, sore
Til I bore calluses
I pushed against her
Like a solid piece of ice
It left me tired and cold
Tried to wait until the sun came
But look where we are
In the shade
She’d been frozen for years
I chipped away but it’ll take years to erase
Oh how the cold-hearted with cold shoulders
Leave these walls
When its cold outside.
Its colder in my home
Left me numb
Leave or remain
Too long and I may become like her
Stricken and frost bitten

Indulgence

2007-08-28T07:41:00.001-07:00

Is it selfish of me to want the things I want
To have the things I feel I ought
To have
To refute the teachings I’ve been taught
Indulge in my sinful nature
Just a little more then usual
To regret not acting
But acting, letting go of a frail existence of repentance
Substance abuse
To truly let loose
Come back when I’ve sewn my own death trap
Tempt fate
Veer off the path not so straight
Crooked, we took it and ran
Thieves in the night off to grow weary
Maybe to Japan,
Lotus, bringing sight
Its late at night, my screens bright
Holding tight to a sanity
I feel I could break at any minute
Stomach rumbling from the minutiae I’ve run from
Fumbling through a world I can’t and won’t understand
So I’ll just try to stand
I want you to let go of my hand
I’ll run, if I make it back we’ll lock again
Until then, I’ll make you ponder
From far away lands I’ll wander to be back faded to a shell
From the sea to fiery hell move back for it will engulf the masses
And leave a few to carry on
Until the refute those teachings
Out of the shaky ground
We’re seaping
Eroding fading to indulgence

Its a Song Story

2007-08-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

Can you handle it?
I thought I could
She had me singing
You Make Me Better
I was with another, but I told her
You Make Me Wanna
Love is so Unpredictable
I was a Choosy Lover
Told my old flame it was the
End of the Road
She said she didn’t want to let go
It was unnatural, I belonged to her
My mind cloudy
So I took A Long Walk
Late, after dark, around the park
Came back realized there was a Stranger in My House
And it was me, came to the conclusion I should have left
Yesterday, how could I be so blind
All my troubles were in my face,
For so long I’d been so far away
Its nothing that will make you more Weak,
Then a Sister with Attitude
We fought it but it was too late
Water runs Dry
Told her I Tried to now
I Can’t Stay
Now Cupid had hit me, when I least expected
Stevie said, All in Love is Fair
New flame came
All I had to do was Say Yes
And I did.
Cupid whispered,Walk this Way
All the we had in Common, I had to Go
Our love was so sweet
Its Like Candy
She Knocks Me Off My Feet
She had me Daydreamin’
Phone conversations filled with
I Miss You’s
Can I Come Over’s
Wish U Were Here’s
Sweet blend of Pleasure and Pain
She was my Soul Sista
I Can’t Let Go
But Love is a Losing Game
All is Fair, life is a Circle
Love Changes
Guess if it didn’t I wouldn’t be
Singing This Song to YOU

DISHEARTENED

2007-08-27T00:05:00.001-07:00

disheartened

I lost zeal
For the world I lived in
The car I drove
The clothes I wore
For the way I heal
For the way I breathed it seemed
The fancy she once tickled
For the feeling she once gave
I lost zeal
The round about way I disregard my thoughts
The way I hold onto love lost
When I’ve given enough time
For the way it costs
Over and over
I lost zeal
I lose zeal as I write
How three quarters down I stop
To reach a threshold before my thoughts undone
Cause I lost that feel
I get when an idea jogs my brain to jot down
From whence it came
I lost real zeal for the things that don’t matter
Yet I mourn for the trivial
Misplacing the introspection
Of a reflection, I’ve lost zeal for
Bruised, torn or battered
Why do we heal?
Battle scars, with character dug deep
Reminded which every scrap of the knee
Numb scars so deeply rooted in who we are
We wear them in our walk and talk
But blind to our own eye
I lost zeal for my inability to rationalize my current situation
Turned the corner on reality
Didn’t like it so I changed my mindstate
I lost zeal, on what it feels to be real
TK thanks

2007-08-22T20:21:00.001-07:00

Now and again I wish I had a friend like me
We’d fight over the big things and squabble over the small
But we’d finish each others thoughts
And talk the same talk
Walk in each others shoes
So you could say our souls match
Attached we’d skip the hip and move to much more
From the beginning I’d be an open door
Come and go as you please
But you’d stay cause inside you’d say
Who could ask for more?

Carry

2007-08-21T23:30:00.001-07:00

She gave me the motivation for creation
To spawn a new life full of fulfillment
Life with a intense drive
So alive, as I cruise
Refusing to live and let live
I live to let fate create
In me a new feeling
Minus the two steps and vocals
A new edition
Boys to men
In between she moved me forward
With no body rocking or knocking
Just roots, dug so deep in each other
We planted a love that even by the waters edge
Is never faltering
Hold still as we take a walk
Let me carry you
In between the lines
I cracked, she got me hanging on
To a dear life we’ll make together
Promise I won’t let go
Focus isn’t for the faint
I know you’re scared, we’re in it to spawn a new life
Full of fulfillment
Contentment we’ll never see again
Resentment for the time we can’t bring back
Wasted on trivial things
Hold still while we walk,
Let me carry you.

Untitled

2007-08-21T23:28:00.001-07:00

Diminish all fear, for true determination comes from unwaivering faith in the things hoped for. I wrote on myself to remind me to look down, cause when this life wears you out, look to yourself to remind you that God works through you and he prevails always. Thought overcomes all ethnic, social, economic barriers, to think is to spark your mind which no one can take away.

The solace I feel as I kneel and pray
My tears weld inside
I had a revelation of a better way
My body’s a tablet
I wear scriptures on my arms
Knowing the Lord keeps his children out of Harms
Way.
I moved on a path, where the naysayers tried to bring me down
Even when my souls lost, not found
Everyone’s trying to make it to their own league
But don’t be cavalier
Shifting through the Bulls of the world
You bound to catch knicks
So bob and weave cats
Or get caught in the nets the naysayers cast
Yall niggas is some deceptacons
If you aint living what you preaching on
Your stories is reaching make a real nigga teach ya
Telling myths like a Leprecaun
You crafty like arts and straps
Until them shooters shoot back

Darkness

2007-08-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

I tripped and fell into a depression
That at no question left me helpless
And stunted my dreaming.
Correlation of events brought on by a strong disdain
For dealing with pain.
Lazy mind state, caught in the gaze.
Pops saw it, no other but those who truly know.
Weight of the world doesn’t cripple me.
Their eyes were watching God,
As he stared back.
Thin lines blurred upon each stray.
Following one’s own creed,
No need to change as it passes from seed to seed.
Even blind eyes take heed.
They know because their darkness reminds them of their state
Destitute thinking masked by impressions of complacency
“just one of life lessons” mentality
Ruts dug so deep the darkness around you begins to look like home.
Unlike the blind you can change your darkness.

Perched

2007-08-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

I would most definitely be texting effortlessly
But the time came when facing the music made me want to
Break dance to France
Do to robot to Woodstock
And do the Bankhead, to well…Bankhead
My fingers walked my walk
E-mail talked my talk
But when it was time for the rubber
To hit the road
I had two flats with one spare
Cause my power is in my hands
Not unlike Sampson and his hair
Delilah got me stuck
And normally I’d fade to black and not run amuck
But I’m sick of laying low
Perched on the ledge of a motto most men live by
Staring at your mothers and daughters
Inevitably chomping at the bit
“Let’s get it”
But I’ll stay perched on the edge
Of what seems to be the norm
And I wait patient while my own
Swoop down and lay waste
To a mass of women
Giving up their class
And I’ll rummage through and find one
Maybe one who got away
Or at least war wounds are few
Until then I’ll resign.
Let the soul of my dormant beast remain perched on that ledge
Cause I’ve seen his potential for laying waste
Let me digress.

CRACK

2007-06-30T18:04:00.001-07:00

I subdued the frenzy
Cause the commotion had me wide open
In a fast paced world to go slow motion
Seems as though you’re standing still
But what better way to capture the painted picture
Untainted by the tenure I have
In the school of faded landscapes and broken
You fill in the blank
Page flipped everyday, same ink
I looked life in the face, it winked
Smirked, cause life’s funny that way
The commotion had me open wide
And while you slept
I two stepped my way to the OOO Whop
I endured until you stopped
And kept going.
Until I couldn’t see you in my dreams
Then I paused.
What better way to capture the painted picture.
And I saw you then.
A past I rewind when I want to go vintage
Like cassette tapes,
But our tape popped, tossed like garbage
But I know you’re a pact rat,
So you added while I subtracted.
And since the commotion had me wide open,
You fell into the cracks, it didn’t hurt my mom
But it broke your heart.
If I would have paused, I might have stepped lightly.

Computer Love

2007-06-11T00:16:00.000-07:00

We’re programmed differently
Incompatible I found a glitch
So we shut down
Gave her the reboot
Tried to troubleshoot
Reset my mind right
Tried to degragment
But we still stagnate
Intel told me opposites attract
Paula cosigned
Abdul has been married twice
So why would I take her advice
Hesitant at first, tried to put up a wall
But the screen couldn’t save her
She got caught up in my trap
Its like I had a world wide web
I had her best intentions in mind
Thought our love would excel
I wanted to explore her
Only mind and spirit
Until I found the glitch
Now we’re back and forth
Issues nagging like pop ups
I prayed to block the drama
Here goes this cycle again
I put her in the recycle bin
Knew she was one click away
Never had the heart to empty
Always thought of a new Outlook
Express my Word, because its my bond
Linked, it lead my back to our home page
Where we started, before I discovered
She wanted control, alter my ways
Until they were deleted from my being.
So I had to escape.

Caged Bird

2007-05-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's ironic how trapped the caged bird feels, longing to be free. It only singing because its crying for the freedom that it's very make-up equipped it for, to roam free. Ironic, how the paper lining the cage, tells the story of the world it longs to see. Bird's eye view.

Highway (Part I)

2007-05-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

On the highway to heaven,
Do you to stop and grab a fourty
From the seven-eleven
Swerving lane to lane
Doing a buck and some change
Still the pit stops turn into the pits
Bobbing your head to the latest hits
Twisted.
Pulled off, onto the beaten path
Road a while
Tried to get back on track, off this exit
But missed it.
Wall-to-wall traffic met me, more to see.
But I was stuck off the exit, where I know I shouldn’t be.
Partied hard and late,
Epiphany, I woke early and snuck back.
I road clear path, things fell into place.
I tried to keep my eyes on the highway,
Dozed, and needed to stop.
Or so I thought, it was my way.
Lord told me, “Son, My way is the Highway”
I shrugged and got back off.
I needed a break, fought that urge.
I’d go harder then ever, splurge.
Get it out of my system.
Plus I wanted to get back to those I left
I missed them.
Secretly missing me too, hoping I'd come back
More company justifies the acts.

MELO

2007-04-21T17:17:00.000-07:00

"Pride lifts you up with one hand buts it not strong enough to hold you steady. That muthaf***a always drops you. But its too hard to get down cause its always holding you in such a weird position."

marchello gray

"Perspective is like getting pushed into the middle of the street."

marchello gray

How do you start off something that you were born with.
Something that you were taught pre-crowning
You're the man, you're the best, dont cry be a big boy
Its like the secret ingredient in similac
Which explains why “They don't make em’ like they used to.”
To say that is an insult to God
HE does, but when we were winged from the nipple
We were forced to grow up too quick
Still thinking you cant fall even though mama aint holdin you up no more
With no laurels to rest on
So how do you get down when you aint got nothin to stand on
Grip and claw, survival of the most brutal
Cause theres only one person in the world to stay true to
But do you even know who you are?
And if you found out, would you really love you?
Not enough to stay true to a stranger
But as long as they love you , you aight....right?
As long as you glitter like gold.

*BOLD Constitutes marchello gray's words

Young Black Swag

2006-03-01T00:08:00.000-08:00

Old heads fully harness theirs
Their slang’s different, times change
Years transforming the young circumstances into lessons learned
Into that IT.
To quote my own work, “Moods Sway”
A thousand times over, moods sway to bear the fruits of the IT
Young Negros born into this world, with hate bearing down
From all sides for no apparent reason,
My theory comes from their own miseducation,
Learn to love what makes us unique
So the “majority” can’t put their hands on it, can’t blame em
They want a piece of mine, but I couldn’t give it if I wanted to
I can’t harness it.
Young black flavorful woman informed me about mine.
You ever wonder why when you hear a beat, you can’t help but to move.
Incited in the womb of your mother, through the veins of old
IN the sixties, it was your “Happenin”
Seventies, your “cool”
Different slang don’t change my meaning, nor the fact it courses through your veins.
I can’t fully harness it, my days are too few.
I conceptualized cause of my need to explain it, but I told you before…
I can’t harness mine, so I write and think with no clear understanding
I speak of my swagger.
Dangerous tool. Not always used for good.
Killing em softly, or turning them away
My swag aint for everyone, nor do they see it the same.
3000 speaks of shaking off my cool,
But that’s like asking the leopard to shake off what makes him,
I spot my own subtle nuances from time to time when I glance in the mirror
Déjà vu, seen it in my gramps, heard it in his stories
I listen not fully understanding, but my years are few
I weld up thinking of how his sacrifices make me proud of this swagger
Although I don’t fully understand, nor can I harness his gift
I view the leopard’s spots that show the character of mine own strength
How even my own transgressions show through my swag
Fully inherit the good, our people full of this swag they can’t fully harness
Generational curses, daddy issues, tension breeds hate
All in our swagger.
Since we stacked those boats, they tried to drive a dagger in what makes us
Push on cause my swagger sways deep, uprooted by no one.
My swagger, perplexes me, my days are too few.
But my seed can rest assured I don’t have to understand it, to pass it
Nor harness it, for it to show.

Shaky Pedestal

2005-10-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

This dictator who calls himself benevolent

In my mind its evident

Say’s his ideas are relevant to change

Not malevolent and full of rage

But I swear to give him hell and vent

Got poor people all over the place trying to make it rent to rent

Instead he wants to circumvent the poor and drag the middle down

Good ole boys robbing the middle man

They look our for they Klan

Adding to his pile of cents

Keeping they fortune in the Bushes

While washing our brains with their tools to glamorize the few

Following Lynch’s guidelines to a T

Sense will always be lacking,

But doesn’t matter got his father’s backing.

Aw so we take what we can get

Claim to fame may be toting a rock

Slangin this hip hop

But I tend to believe my man Lo

So I paraphrase 3000

Can’t always count on feeding these niggas of dreams on dope money

Fly chicks in videos,

Rookie deals and shoe contracts

We hoop and holla over a percentage that aint fare

While your people shake, rattle and roll

To make the next nigga stare

Stare too long devil works in obvious ways

Not mysterious.

Rob, steal, and kill for them things

You tote the rock and you move product with your fame

But is blue eyes jippin you

100 million, what you think his cut is dumb nigga.

While the people you claim

Mame each other to be like you

Still we want to keep ourselves on that pedestal

Vision of the Dream gets hazy, cause they tell us we’re lazy

Vision blurred, we won’t outlive the “theory”

Lynch got you figured out

Lift a few, and in turn bury the masses

You keep your eyes on the prize

That’s beautiful they say

But keep your hope in things eternal

Or your sight might just fade away