Indulgence

Is it selfish of me to want the things I want
To have the things I feel I ought
To have
To refute the teachings I’ve been taught
Indulge in my sinful nature
Just a little more then usual
To regret not acting
But acting, letting go of a frail existence of repentance
Substance abuse
To truly let loose
Come back when I’ve sewn my own death trap
Tempt fate
Veer off the path not so straight
Crooked, we took it and ran
Thieves in the night off to grow weary
Maybe to Japan,
Lotus, bringing sight
Its late at night, my screens bright
Holding tight to a sanity
I feel I could break at any minute
Stomach rumbling from the minutiae I’ve run from
Fumbling through a world I can’t and won’t understand
So I’ll just try to stand
I want you to let go of my hand
I’ll run, if I make it back we’ll lock again
Until then, I’ll make you ponder
From far away lands I’ll wander to be back faded to a shell
From the sea to fiery hell move back for it will engulf the masses
And leave a few to carry on
Until the refute those teachings
Out of the shaky ground
We’re seaping
Eroding fading to indulgence

Its a Song Story

Can you handle it?
I thought I could
She had me singing
You Make Me Better
I was with another, but I told her
You Make Me Wanna
Love is so Unpredictable
I was a Choosy Lover
Told my old flame it was the
End of the Road
She said she didn’t want to let go
It was unnatural, I belonged to her
My mind cloudy
So I took A Long Walk
Late, after dark, around the park
Came back realized there was a Stranger in My House
And it was me, came to the conclusion I should have left
Yesterday, how could I be so blind
All my troubles were in my face,
For so long I’d been so far away
Its nothing that will make you more Weak,
Then a Sister with Attitude
We fought it but it was too late
Water runs Dry
Told her I Tried to now
I Can’t Stay
Now Cupid had hit me, when I least expected
Stevie said, All in Love is Fair
New flame came
All I had to do was Say Yes
And I did.
Cupid whispered,Walk this Way
All the we had in Common, I had to Go
Our love was so sweet
Its Like Candy
She Knocks Me Off My Feet
She had me Daydreamin’
Phone conversations filled with
I Miss You’s
Can I Come Over’s
Wish U Were Here’s
Sweet blend of Pleasure and Pain
She was my Soul Sista
I Can’t Let Go
But Love is a Losing Game
All is Fair, life is a Circle
Love Changes
Guess if it didn’t I wouldn’t be
Singing This Song to YOU

DISHEARTENED

disheartened

I lost zeal
For the world I lived in
The car I drove
The clothes I wore
For the way I heal
For the way I breathed it seemed
The fancy she once tickled
For the feeling she once gave
I lost zeal
The round about way I disregard my thoughts
The way I hold onto love lost
When I’ve given enough time
For the way it costs
Over and over
I lost zeal
I lose zeal as I write
How three quarters down I stop
To reach a threshold before my thoughts undone
Cause I lost that feel
I get when an idea jogs my brain to jot down
From whence it came
I lost real zeal for the things that don’t matter
Yet I mourn for the trivial
Misplacing the introspection
Of a reflection, I’ve lost zeal for
Bruised, torn or battered
Why do we heal?
Battle scars, with character dug deep
Reminded which every scrap of the knee
Numb scars so deeply rooted in who we are
We wear them in our walk and talk
But blind to our own eye
I lost zeal for my inability to rationalize my current situation
Turned the corner on reality
Didn’t like it so I changed my mindstate
I lost zeal, on what it feels to be real
TK thanks

Now and again I wish I had a friend like me
We’d fight over the big things and squabble over the small
But we’d finish each others thoughts
And talk the same talk
Walk in each others shoes
So you could say our souls match
Attached we’d skip the hip and move to much more
From the beginning I’d be an open door
Come and go as you please
But you’d stay cause inside you’d say
Who could ask for more?

Carry

She gave me the motivation for creation
To spawn a new life full of fulfillment
Life with a intense drive
So alive, as I cruise
Refusing to live and let live
I live to let fate create
In me a new feeling
Minus the two steps and vocals
A new edition
Boys to men
In between she moved me forward
With no body rocking or knocking
Just roots, dug so deep in each other
We planted a love that even by the waters edge
Is never faltering
Hold still as we take a walk
Let me carry you
In between the lines
I cracked, she got me hanging on
To a dear life we’ll make together
Promise I won’t let go
Focus isn’t for the faint
I know you’re scared, we’re in it to spawn a new life
Full of fulfillment
Contentment we’ll never see again
Resentment for the time we can’t bring back
Wasted on trivial things
Hold still while we walk,
Let me carry you.

Untitled

Diminish all fear, for true determination comes from unwaivering faith in the things hoped for. I wrote on myself to remind me to look down, cause when this life wears you out, look to yourself to remind you that God works through you and he prevails always. Thought overcomes all ethnic, social, economic barriers, to think is to spark your mind which no one can take away.

The solace I feel as I kneel and pray
My tears weld inside
I had a revelation of a better way
My body’s a tablet
I wear scriptures on my arms
Knowing the Lord keeps his children out of Harms
Way.
I moved on a path, where the naysayers tried to bring me down
Even when my souls lost, not found
Everyone’s trying to make it to their own league
But don’t be cavalier
Shifting through the Bulls of the world
You bound to catch knicks
So bob and weave cats
Or get caught in the nets the naysayers cast
Yall niggas is some deceptacons
If you aint living what you preaching on
Your stories is reaching make a real nigga teach ya
Telling myths like a Leprecaun
You crafty like arts and straps
Until them shooters shoot back

Darkness

I tripped and fell into a depression
That at no question left me helpless
And stunted my dreaming.
Correlation of events brought on by a strong disdain
For dealing with pain.
Lazy mind state, caught in the gaze.
Pops saw it, no other but those who truly know.
Weight of the world doesn’t cripple me.
Their eyes were watching God,
As he stared back.
Thin lines blurred upon each stray.
Following one’s own creed,
No need to change as it passes from seed to seed.
Even blind eyes take heed.
They know because their darkness reminds them of their state
Destitute thinking masked by impressions of complacency
“just one of life lessons” mentality
Ruts dug so deep the darkness around you begins to look like home.
Unlike the blind you can change your darkness.

Perched

I would most definitely be texting effortlessly
But the time came when facing the music made me want to
Break dance to France
Do to robot to Woodstock
And do the Bankhead, to well…Bankhead
My fingers walked my walk
E-mail talked my talk
But when it was time for the rubber
To hit the road
I had two flats with one spare
Cause my power is in my hands
Not unlike Sampson and his hair
Delilah got me stuck
And normally I’d fade to black and not run amuck
But I’m sick of laying low
Perched on the ledge of a motto most men live by
Staring at your mothers and daughters
Inevitably chomping at the bit
“Let’s get it”
But I’ll stay perched on the edge
Of what seems to be the norm
And I wait patient while my own
Swoop down and lay waste
To a mass of women
Giving up their class
And I’ll rummage through and find one
Maybe one who got away
Or at least war wounds are few
Until then I’ll resign.
Let the soul of my dormant beast remain perched on that ledge
Cause I’ve seen his potential for laying waste
Let me digress.

CRACK

I subdued the frenzy
Cause the commotion had me wide open
In a fast paced world to go slow motion
Seems as though you’re standing still
But what better way to capture the painted picture
Untainted by the tenure I have
In the school of faded landscapes and broken
You fill in the blank
Page flipped everyday, same ink
I looked life in the face, it winked
Smirked, cause life’s funny that way
The commotion had me open wide
And while you slept
I two stepped my way to the OOO Whop
I endured until you stopped
And kept going.
Until I couldn’t see you in my dreams
Then I paused.
What better way to capture the painted picture.
And I saw you then.
A past I rewind when I want to go vintage
Like cassette tapes,
But our tape popped, tossed like garbage
But I know you’re a pact rat,
So you added while I subtracted.
And since the commotion had me wide open,
You fell into the cracks, it didn’t hurt my mom
But it broke your heart.
If I would have paused, I might have stepped lightly.

Computer Love

We’re programmed differently
Incompatible I found a glitch
So we shut down
Gave her the reboot
Tried to troubleshoot
Reset my mind right
Tried to degragment
But we still stagnate
Intel told me opposites attract
Paula cosigned
Abdul has been married twice
So why would I take her advice
Hesitant at first, tried to put up a wall
But the screen couldn’t save her
She got caught up in my trap
Its like I had a world wide web
I had her best intentions in mind
Thought our love would excel
I wanted to explore her
Only mind and spirit
Until I found the glitch
Now we’re back and forth
Issues nagging like pop ups
I prayed to block the drama
Here goes this cycle again
I put her in the recycle bin
Knew she was one click away
Never had the heart to empty
Always thought of a new Outlook
Express my Word, because its my bond
Linked, it lead my back to our home page
Where we started, before I discovered
She wanted control, alter my ways
Until they were deleted from my being.
So I had to escape.

Caged Bird

It's ironic how trapped the caged bird feels, longing to be free. It only singing because its crying for the freedom that it's very make-up equipped it for, to roam free. Ironic, how the paper lining the cage, tells the story of the world it longs to see. Bird's eye view.

Highway (Part I)

On the highway to heaven,
Do you to stop and grab a fourty
From the seven-eleven
Swerving lane to lane
Doing a buck and some change
Still the pit stops turn into the pits
Bobbing your head to the latest hits
Twisted.
Pulled off, onto the beaten path
Road a while
Tried to get back on track, off this exit
But missed it.
Wall-to-wall traffic met me, more to see.
But I was stuck off the exit, where I know I shouldn’t be.
Partied hard and late,
Epiphany, I woke early and snuck back.
I road clear path, things fell into place.
I tried to keep my eyes on the highway,
Dozed, and needed to stop.
Or so I thought, it was my way.
Lord told me, “Son, My way is the Highway”
I shrugged and got back off.
I needed a break, fought that urge.
I’d go harder then ever, splurge.
Get it out of my system.
Plus I wanted to get back to those I left
I missed them.
Secretly missing me too, hoping I'd come back
More company justifies the acts.

MELO

"Pride lifts you up with one hand buts it not strong enough to hold you steady. That muthaf***a always drops you. But its too hard to get down cause its always holding you in such a weird position."

• marchello gray

"Perspective is like getting pushed into the middle of the street."

• marchello gray

How do you start off something that you were born with.
Something that you were taught pre-crowning
You're the man, you're the best, dont cry be a big boy
Its like the secret ingredient in similac
Which explains why “They don't make em’ like they used to.”
To say that is an insult to God
HE does, but when we were winged from the nipple
We were forced to grow up too quick
Still thinking you cant fall even though mama aint holdin you up no more
With no laurels to rest on
So how do you get down when you aint got nothin to stand on
Grip and claw, survival of the most brutal
Cause theres only one person in the world to stay true to
But do you even know who you are?
And if you found out, would you really love you?
Not enough to stay true to a stranger
But as long as they love you , you aight....right?
As long as you glitter like gold.

*BOLD Constitutes marchello gray's words

Young Black Swag

Old heads fully harness theirs
Their slang’s different, times change
Years transforming the young circumstances into lessons learned
Into that IT.
To quote my own work, “Moods Sway”
A thousand times over, moods sway to bear the fruits of the IT
Young Negros born into this world, with hate bearing down
From all sides for no apparent reason,
My theory comes from their own miseducation,
Learn to love what makes us unique
So the “majority” can’t put their hands on it, can’t blame em
They want a piece of mine, but I couldn’t give it if I wanted to
I can’t harness it.
Young black flavorful woman informed me about mine.
You ever wonder why when you hear a beat, you can’t help but to move.
Incited in the womb of your mother, through the veins of old
IN the sixties, it was your “Happenin”
Seventies, your “cool”
Different slang don’t change my meaning, nor the fact it courses through your veins.
I can’t fully harness it, my days are too few.
I conceptualized cause of my need to explain it, but I told you before…
I can’t harness mine, so I write and think with no clear understanding
I speak of my swagger.
Dangerous tool. Not always used for good.
Killing em softly, or turning them away
My swag aint for everyone, nor do they see it the same.
3000 speaks of shaking off my cool,
But that’s like asking the leopard to shake off what makes him,
I spot my own subtle nuances from time to time when I glance in the mirror
Déjà vu, seen it in my gramps, heard it in his stories
I listen not fully understanding, but my years are few
I weld up thinking of how his sacrifices make me proud of this swagger
Although I don’t fully understand, nor can I harness his gift
I view the leopard’s spots that show the character of mine own strength
How even my own transgressions show through my swag
Fully inherit the good, our people full of this swag they can’t fully harness
Generational curses, daddy issues, tension breeds hate
All in our swagger.
Since we stacked those boats, they tried to drive a dagger in what makes us
Push on cause my swagger sways deep, uprooted by no one.
My swagger, perplexes me, my days are too few.
But my seed can rest assured I don’t have to understand it, to pass it
Nor harness it, for it to show.

Shaky Pedestal

This dictator who calls himself benevolent

In my mind its evident

Say’s his ideas are relevant to change

Not malevolent and full of rage

But I swear to give him hell and vent

Got poor people all over the place trying to make it rent to rent

Instead he wants to circumvent the poor and drag the middle down

Good ole boys robbing the middle man

They look our for they Klan

Adding to his pile of cents

Keeping they fortune in the Bushes

While washing our brains with their tools to glamorize the few

Following Lynch’s guidelines to a T

Sense will always be lacking,

But doesn’t matter got his father’s backing.

Aw so we take what we can get

Claim to fame may be toting a rock

Slangin this hip hop

But I tend to believe my man Lo

So I paraphrase 3000

Can’t always count on feeding these niggas of dreams on dope money

Fly chicks in videos,

Rookie deals and shoe contracts

We hoop and holla over a percentage that aint fare

While your people shake, rattle and roll

To make the next nigga stare

Stare too long devil works in obvious ways

Not mysterious.

Rob, steal, and kill for them things

You tote the rock and you move product with your fame

But is blue eyes jippin you

100 million, what you think his cut is dumb nigga.

While the people you claim

Mame each other to be like you

Still we want to keep ourselves on that pedestal

Vision of the Dream gets hazy, cause they tell us we’re lazy

Vision blurred, we won’t outlive the “theory”

Lynch got you figured out

Lift a few, and in turn bury the masses

You keep your eyes on the prize

That’s beautiful they say

But keep your hope in things eternal

Or your sight might just fade away

Random

Man I don't know why in particular I am posting this blog. I never just sat down and had no idea of why I was posting, but there is first time for everything. Lately I've been seeing the true colors in people, and perhaps more importantly my own colors. Its a truly humbling experience when God allows you to look at yourself from the outside. You know lately I have stopped and looked at my past, and certain things I have done or not done, and I seem to have more regrets then most people I know. And I am not sure if its that others don't like to admit to their regrets because it lends to exposing a weakness, or an inability to think things out before one acts, but none-the-less I have a decent amount of regrets. Maybe regretting things is arrogant, unfaithful, ignorant. I mean if I am a child of God, and I know we all fall short, but to regret things would almost be to challenge the power of God, and the mysterious ways he works in our lives. Or maybe these lapses I have (sin), pull me away from that purpose. And again maybe God's expectations and omni-nature (yeah I made that up), is just a part of the road I have to travel. I just wrote the greatest circle of thoughts, goes to show all of this is WAY over my head. Its funny because no one will read this but Lo, because everyone has given up on my blog cause I never post anything. Well that's all for now...

History

Wrote this the other day, didn't put it on the computer until right now. So much talk about this lately has prompted me to speak about it.


History.
That circle, persistent as death calling
Wretched, full of pain
We rise, they fall
Markings in a book
We read, but in doing so
Ensue to repeat it
Evolution of man
No, no, no, not ape to man
Our ignorance springs eternal
Nigger – to hugs and daps
Embracement – to "hooded" thugs that clap
Back to the word
With dreams they trap
Forget a word, my nigga embraces me in times of need
Spoken to stifle him, reflection of the “Dream”
They got you so cloudy you forgot what it means
Meant.
Stories told of harsher meanings spoken
Now used as a token
Old heads say, “Better left unspoken”
We understand to the extent our years bring
Those with wrinkles and crows feet
Dealt with the Real
Not that this history is untold
We see its effects
We repeat to satisfy our nature
Repeat to endure, what else do you know?
Yet adorn the blue eyes with fuel
Why open doors you can’t handle
So energy’s wasted, to keep it tasteful censors bleep it
But we insist to keep it
Can’t wrap my head around it
Certain “others” obtain privilege to use it
Majority prohibited to utter it
But I keep with it my nigga.

Moods Sway

Here is another one that I wrote a long time ago, I thnk I might have entered this one into a contest. I'm in the bloggiest of moods.

Moods Sway

I don't know about you but my mood sways
They bob like apples
Or your head when you hear that
Well you know
Just like that beat that has the ability to change your state of mind
My mood sways
Like that piece of good news to get you high
When you realize you can't jump on that opportunity cause something came up
So it passed by
My mood sways
Like that someone that always picks you up when your mood sways low
But aint around, so my mood sways lower and lower
But she came around, and although she's here she starts some BS
And again my mood sways
No matter the time of day, how high you think you are
Moods Sway
Building character the old heads say
At age 60 moods have swayed a million times over
Cause I can see how the moods swayed in those crows feet
How the moods flowed through those old veins
I see the swaying of the moods in their eyes
Hear it in their stories
Feel it in their touch
We all know that moods sway, but we live for the high times
But we learn and grow in the low
Moods Sway.

Family

Recently I went to my family reunion, where I was given the priviledge of speaking in. I have to admit I was nervous, its always harder to perform in front of family instead of regular people, but I thought I would put this insert of my speech on my spot:
Its amazing as I look at some of my friends how skewed their vision and perception on life is because of their up-bringing. Sometimes I don’t like to give them credit, but I wouldn’t be the man I am if my parents and grandparents didn’t allow God to let them lead them in running their households. Family is very important to me, but that’s only because I have a good family who love and nurture me. Most of my friends come from broken homes, parents that don’t care about them, or want to be their friends and not play the role that God assigns parents, and as a result they suffer. They define their value system on their parent’s actions, and that’s great if you parents are doing what they are supposed to do, and are living according to God’s plan.

Family is love, sacrifice, caring, willingness to give, patience, kindness, disagreements, getting on each other’s nerves, hope, endurance. Family is that and so many more things that are intanglible, you can’t quite put your hands on it and you can’t really explain it in words, sometimes its just a feeling you get. Its not liking your sister or your brothers girlfriend just because, its obligation, its unconditional. Family means so many things.

Luke Chapter 11 verse 17 says:

17Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.


So most important family is sticking together through the good and the bad, and we can only do that through love and patience.