Reprise (unfinished)

Ba Da Ba…
Ba Da Ba…
Close your eyes
Is that a reprise
For my ears to see
Oh how I love to freely kill
The pains for today
Scroll. Double-click. Or Press Play.
And fade away.
I hear the same words all day.
Put to song makes them fat.
They stick, how my love handles.
Playing over and over in my mind.
Reprise.
Yes please.

I could hardly tell...

I could hardly tell you the truth
I didn’t know it myself for sure
In perpetual limbo
Irreparable trust
I made the hard look simple
When it wasn’t
Now I look hard trying to find
When our love got wrinkled
You gave more then you had
On borrowed time I tried but you won’t look back
Guess I’m the proverbial pillar of salt
I could hardly give what you gave
I thought I was in love, but you knew
I said it unsure,
When I started to fight
You’d given up the battles
Let me back in
If only knew then
I concluded that it was me that love always
Alluded.
Now I’m suited and booted.
And you can’t trust it
I’m out of limbo.
And now you’re in my shoes.
Because….how was I to know for sure
I could hardly tell.
Now there’s no telling you different.

Cooler then the other side of the Chillow...

Commitment phobia? I had a conversation in the wee hours of the night about this phenomenon. I’ve come to my own conclusion that commitment phobia is not only a defense mechanism, but a cop out, a relationship fiction and euphemism for, “What I got going right now, just isn’t really what I’m looking for.” Let me address each, one at a time.
Defense mechanism: “I’m just a commitment phob, I feel the pressure, and I just want to get out.” To me that says, “I’m at a point with this person, where I have to give more, or get out. I’ve had bad experiences in the past where I’ve given my all, and I got burned, and I’m not willing to give more right now.” Very valid. Though I don’t understand, cause I can’t put every woman in the same boat, do they have common characteristics, yes, but will they all inevitably treat me the same, no. For example, you can put a thousand people in the same situation, and I bet you have a thousand different reactions to that situation. So how can you expect that two persons, who get together in complex human interaction, will create the same relationship? Furthermore, we have to look at ourselves, if you keep getting into relationships and they end badly or don’t go well, what is the common factor? YOU! Maybe you should evaluate the type of people you choose to associate with. But then again, maybe its everyone else’s fault. I say keep your guard up to a degree, but there comes a point you got to sacrifice yourself to find happiness.

Cop out: Sounds good. “Yeah we’re kicking it, I just wanna have fun right now. I’m really afraid of commitments.” Do you blame em, really? Probably getting out of the “kicking it” he/she would get out of the relationship anyway, why make it anything else?

“What I got going on right now, just isn’t what I’m looking for.”: Also, you just aint good enough. If you was really good enough, I wouldn’t be phobic about us, cause you’re all I need/want. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that there are people out there, that in the face of happiness they run the other way, cause they feel they don’t deserve to be happy. Furthermore, I understand there are cases of people, just being afraid of being tied down, but I think in general “commitment phobia” is 95% bull. For example, all your life you wanted to visit the Eiffel Tower, and you get a chance to do it, and all you gotta do is jump on the plane. Are you not going to jump on the plane? I hear you though, well things aren’t right right now, I want to go when I have more time to visit. I have to work on Monday, I’m going to have jet lag. Dang, that’s a seven hour flight, that’s a long flight. I don’t even speak French, how am I going to talk to people when I get there? Am I going to be in first class, I don’t fly coach. My point is, there will always be an excuse, the timing will never be right. I think the measure of a person lies in the ability to realize nothing is for sure, and life does pass us by.

“So when its time, its time, and hopefully I’m in the front of the line”

- Lou

Daddy

She had a father not a daddy he wasn’t there
Physically with no emotion its like he didn’t care
For attention she’d rebel
But he didn’t see
Too busy womanizing being the man she would later seek
Too much to handle so she search for daddy
IN the world she gave herself to find her worth
Ruined from the start
From her pants she gave her heart
Completely incomplete
Can mean only missing one piece
But its deeper then one could even see
She was sought after
But she couldn’t fulfill her need with what they sought
Her rock left, he wasn’t ready
Father.
She reminded him of his past,
Couldn’t stand to think
A man would treat her like something he once stood on
To walk over his angel
Her eyes reminded him of his sins
Of the father.
He wasn’t ready, because he wasn’t anyone’s rock.
Knew he was selfish, had for years
Told himself it was the best until he believed it
Now she searches for him,
But knows he’s long gone,
So she sought what he should have left her
In other men.
Oh, she was sought after
And was seeking on her own
Completely incomplete
But she couldn’t put her finger on that one piece
But what made her incomplete wasn’t what was missing
It was her dedicating her life to seeking what was already gone.

THORN

If you’d just hold on
I’d make the very command of your wish fade away
And be your shooting star
If you’d just hold on
My thoughts would wander in yours
And mesh because they belong together
If you’d hold on
We’d unravel our lives
Promising never to fold
Prove that love is not a losing game
I want to change your whole world
Shake it and stir
Inside and out
Highs lows and in between
Remove all thought of you letting go
Create in us a tie so strong
If you’d hold onto me
We’ll make us one
But you’d let go as sure as babies cry
My Beautifully painful thorn
We often adorn that which makes our hearts bleed
The beautiful woman silly men chase
Not every rose has its thorn
Sometimes they’re horns well placed
Pricking at your side
Through it all I held on
The tolerance for a pain now I feel nothing
But as sure as the past repeats itself
You let go
I dripped my joy as you pricked it

LISTEN (revisited)

I wish I could sing
We all do it seems
To fully express one’s feelings in song
Seems to hit home
Or strike a cord just right
Melody to know he’s into she
Or she’s into thee
Perhaps she’ll be or is into me
Forget a written note
I’d write a song made for her ear
To somewhere near that intangible feel
She couldn’t place, but just knew
Quibbling over where this feeling comes from only…
Breaks her high, she simply wants to know that this pleasing
Yet intense, yet uncertain
Simply expressed array of emotions
Which took her to a place of highs and lows
Was only for her
She gave and pulled back for fear the song would end
Or change to a different genre then when it started
The blues without the R
But I’d sing to her if only I could
Or if inside I knew she would listen
From a simple guitar
I'd pluck her strings
Fading into a whisper
And once we both knew,
It would be the song that kept our love enduring
Keeping us warm in the winter
If only she’d listen.

COLD

Moved against the grain
It made me tender, sore
Til I bore calluses
I pushed against her
Like a solid piece of ice
It left me tired and cold
Tried to wait until the sun came
But look where we are
In the shade
She’d been frozen for years
I chipped away but it’ll take years to erase
Oh how the cold-hearted with cold shoulders
Leave these walls
When its cold outside.
Its colder in my home
Left me numb
Leave or remain
Too long and I may become like her
Stricken and frost bitten