Commitment phobia? I had a conversation in the wee hours of the night about this phenomenon. I’ve come to my own conclusion that commitment phobia is not only a defense mechanism, but a cop out, a relationship fiction and euphemism for, “What I got going right now, just isn’t really what I’m looking for.” Let me address each, one at a time.
Defense mechanism: “I’m just a commitment phob, I feel the pressure, and I just want to get out.” To me that says, “I’m at a point with this person, where I have to give more, or get out. I’ve had bad experiences in the past where I’ve given my all, and I got burned, and I’m not willing to give more right now.” Very valid. Though I don’t understand, cause I can’t put every woman in the same boat, do they have common characteristics, yes, but will they all inevitably treat me the same, no. For example, you can put a thousand people in the same situation, and I bet you have a thousand different reactions to that situation. So how can you expect that two persons, who get together in complex human interaction, will create the same relationship? Furthermore, we have to look at ourselves, if you keep getting into relationships and they end badly or don’t go well, what is the common factor? YOU! Maybe you should evaluate the type of people you choose to associate with. But then again, maybe its everyone else’s fault. I say keep your guard up to a degree, but there comes a point you got to sacrifice yourself to find happiness.
Cop out: Sounds good. “Yeah we’re kicking it, I just wanna have fun right now. I’m really afraid of commitments.” Do you blame em, really? Probably getting out of the “kicking it” he/she would get out of the relationship anyway, why make it anything else?
“What I got going on right now, just isn’t what I’m looking for.”: Also, you just aint good enough. If you was really good enough, I wouldn’t be phobic about us, cause you’re all I need/want. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that there are people out there, that in the face of happiness they run the other way, cause they feel they don’t deserve to be happy. Furthermore, I understand there are cases of people, just being afraid of being tied down, but I think in general “commitment phobia” is 95% bull. For example, all your life you wanted to visit the Eiffel Tower, and you get a chance to do it, and all you gotta do is jump on the plane. Are you not going to jump on the plane? I hear you though, well things aren’t right right now, I want to go when I have more time to visit. I have to work on Monday, I’m going to have jet lag. Dang, that’s a seven hour flight, that’s a long flight. I don’t even speak French, how am I going to talk to people when I get there? Am I going to be in first class, I don’t fly coach. My point is, there will always be an excuse, the timing will never be right. I think the measure of a person lies in the ability to realize nothing is for sure, and life does pass us by.
“So when its time, its time, and hopefully I’m in the front of the line”
- Lou
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
People are at their most vulnerable and enough bad experiences will jay up their perception of what normal relationships should function and feel like. When you approach relationships differently then you ever had its hard to realize when its safe to let your guard down and know you are not in harm's way. Its a tough world out there full of wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers... A friend once said, and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too. So what makes you think, that they wont lie to you" Its a pessimistic view a life, but in the end you have to protect yourself.
That was very insightful... I know I have used this, as you put it, cop out a time or two. I have realized that life is short and you have to make the most of it while you can!
Post a Comment