Remised

I teared up at the thought of a future I knew I couldn’t have
Amidst the hustle and bustle of life I lost my grasp
On what was important, and I knew it
Things were so fluid
I got washed away
In between the chaos, hard times I’d call on Him
I’d fast, I would pray
But just enough to quiet my own soul’s rumbling
I chalked up my stumbling to growing pains
To a growth stunting mentality of I’ll never be perfect
Oh but when it rains
It scorns.
Or breathes new life.
I remember when adversity was welcomed in my world
But as I look back, it only sprinkled then.
Now the rain comes as if it will never end.
Or at least it seems.
We can't explain the human heart and its battle with the mind.
I can’t find the time to unravel its rhyme
Or reason, because even with the seasons changing
And life rearranging
I still need you.
I’d be remised if I lied and told you I didn’t write this for you
I’d be remised if I told you I didn’t wake up longing for your kiss
If I didn’t long for that 15 seconds of bliss as I wake
15 seconds of ignorance to my current circumstance
15 seconds of heaven right here on earth
15 seconds of rebirth
Until I’m reminded I’m here living without you.
I pray that those seconds get longer.
Or my heart grows colder, grows stronger.