Life and Love

Come and gone to me
Love is just a song
We cherish it for what it gives
Taking us to a place we long to relive
And Relive
Giving us chills, and thrills
But like a anxious child
Who’s mind isn’t wrapped around the restraints
It’s body lends
Running eagerly to explore
Inevitably she will take a spill
To get up and learn
New love will clean you up and dust you off
If you let it.
Now the same chills we once invited
Only relives this gaping emptiness we feel
The scraped knee untended to, like your heart
Leaves scars
And although we know one day WE shall pass
Death of the body, doesn’t kill this love
As precious as the gift of life is, we can choose to take it
So how much more precious is love?
It can be cut down, in our minds we can abhor it, deplore it
But it lives on,
Life can be taken in a second
But only time mends the broken-hearted
But it will never take you back to where you started
Love is like a song.
A favorite song revisited still etched in your mind
May not get a full play
But the first note rushes thoughts through you head
And you revisit how you once felt
Its been such a long time, it seems
But those words and what they once meant
Won’t be forgotten.

Dreamgirl

Saw her in my dreams
In the flesh I couldn’t fathom
As real as it could feel I can only imagine
I needed more so I dreamt on
And on
Prayed before I laid
I hope I’d see her again
Night turned into day
Too soon
Day dreaming just wasn’t the same
So I smiled as the moon came
Journey through the pillow
Wishing it would bring me closer
How could I want her?
She came to me in my dreams only once
What an obsession
How its got me pressing
Anxious now I can’t sleep
She’s not real, how could I be in this deep?
Bring her to life.
I swore if I saw her
She’d change my sight
To see things clearer is what I long for
She’s what I’m preparing my
Mind, Body and spirit for.

The Fitting

From my back I’ll be lifting
SO when I’m drifting into the sea of uncertainty
My core is strong with no shifting
Of my ideals because my propensity of inequity
Is as inevitable as the intensity of evil I see
Upon the horizon of great change of bigger and better thangs
If I remain the same, or came up lame even when the challenge remained
I’d regret allowing the net of fowler’s snare
Create this despair with no repair
So as inevitable as my blank stare lingers
When taking heed is on the end of my fingers
I’d call on the ringer of all ringers
To shake the man in the mirror
To make things just a little bit clearer
But still I fear her
This beautiful yet unknown future
Will I suit her?
Or will she spit me out
I could say I knew her
But what good does it do to have seen the light
If I don’t follow it, how can I take flight
Remiss this plight I feel we now find alright
Because its ours, you don’t have to stay in your mess
Increasingly sleeping on a present situation
You wonder why your blessing is swept
Under the rug because its you that slept
Off the path, its not that you’re inept
You fret because you’re afraid to take that first step
So increasingly I change my propensity to slack
Taking more then one step back to see the things I lack
For if I can address this broken record
And not listen to this played out track
Keep my mind, soul and body intact
I’ll meet this horizon of great change
And rearrange my blank page
Lay down this rage,
Release my soul from this cage
Pour it out like the water of a cascade
Til then I’ll be lifting
Because in this sea of uncertainty
They’ll inevitably be shifting
Rest assured they’ll be twisting
But from this comes the triumph of the fitting.

Comfortably Agitated

Discomfort equals agitation. Once you are agitated, you have a decision to make, you relieve that agitation or you grit and bear it. We have all been in a situation where we recognize we need to move, but that itch or agitation is bearable enough to stay put. You can relate this to anything, dead-end job, bad relationship, etc. Often times, the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure or complacency keep us from relieving ourselves of bad situations.

It’s all about tolerance. If you can tolerate the agitation you current state is pressing upon you for whatever reason, you’re less likely to move out of it. For example, the turning point in a relationship that is on its way to ending. Certain things that didn’t bother you before bother you. Doubt sets in about whether this person is for you or not. However, this is overrun by the fear of being alone. You may be so intertwined with that person and their life that getting out will cause more discomfort. Maybe you just don’t want to start over again. Transition and change are always scary, but can be exciting. Sometimes it’s just your time to move on, whatever the situation may be. Discomfort is not always bad.

Comfort or complacency equals stagnation. We’ve all been there too. Things are comfortable in our lives. We are decent. Things can always be going better, but things are alright. We fall into the mediocre. Our job isn’t what we dreamed of, but at least we are working (some people don’t have jobs). Billy treats Sue like crap sometimes, belittles her on occasion, but he provides for her and plans to marry her in the next ten years. We often get caught in the daily grind, and our hopes and aspirations get lost in the shuffle. Complacency has the tendency to kill innovation, stifle creativity, and destroy progression. But, comfort is not always bad either.

I am convinced that living with a good balance of discomfort and comfort is key to living life to the fullest. Yes, I am making ends meet, and I am provided for, but I want more. Yes, I’m comfortable in this relationship, but has it become stagnate? Am I settling? I’m comfortable living in my hometown, but are there opportunities elsewhere that I should pursue. I don’t advocate creating discomfort in your life, but if it is the byproduct of a pursuit towards something greater, welcome and embrace it.

Reserves

We were in the thick of things if you will
As thick as thieves with a sleeve full of tricks
Hearts as heavy as bricks
Always on the up and up never slick
But she clipped out all the good and left the average man
So my warm welcomes turned to cold goodbyes
Open arms to folded ones
Come hither stares to barely there
Falling out of love is slow and painfully draining
Dark clouds loom we both waiting for it to start raining
State of emergency call in the reserves

Howd you get away never though I’d see the day
I’d look back and regret
I wish I could go back to when we met
Nervous cold sweat
You swept no fret two stepped into
My world
Heavy heart
Cold shoulder
Too sharp
Don’t harp on your past
I wasn’t there don’t
Give up
Give us
One chance
To erase this damaged warped view of the world
Perhaps maybe
Let go
Bag lady,
You’re going to hurt your chance
Carrying all those those bags like that.
Love me
Change me
Keep hope
In your mind without it, you’ll feel numb
Can’t you see the good
In you
Shine bright
Hold tight
We’ve got the world to conquer
One step
Two minds
Your heart
Trust me.

Stripped

I stripped down
I’ve walked a thousand miles in my shoes
So I strip down to my bare feet
Take a while to feel the grass beneath
I walked and wore my soles down
Soul searching until I kneeled down
Unlaced from the less important things
Retraced my journey to learn from the things I have seen
Life is lived in the grays
Infinite shades
We say, live day-by-day
But we all live today with tomorrow in mind
If not you’ll fall behind
To catch a ride on a meaningful journey
Can I buy a ticket?
We’re all unfit, the blind leading the blind
I can’t retrace the steps he’s taking
The blind have many faces
Many qualms, different color palms
Embrace them.
Because we all are just living
Retrace the steps of father time
We all live lives, until we die.
I pray when I look back and retrace my steps
I dug deep
Will I ever sleep?

ENCHANTED

Its inevitable like an, “I told you so”
After a wrong turn
When the soul yearns
Unfed, so it slow burns
Melted.
My world’s so unfurled
So inevitable like clean up on aisle 7
After an abrupt cart swerve
We hit unexpectedly
Its like you came for a purpose
A present
I came and left, so you’d miss my kiss
We caressed and pushed away so you’d feel
The effects of my warmth
I teased with my lips
So when they planted, you’d pull me close
I’d never tell you not to come and go as you please
Your choice makes out time all worth while
I’d make your reality a fantasy
Enchantedly?

DADDY

She came into her own
Absence of her daddy left her grown
Too early
Into the dawn she’d walk
Into the arms of another she’d stalk the good life
Or what she thought of it
Strong arms, false sense of shelter
Pretty face, so this is what the cards dealt her
Fully harnessing the power she was given
Not knowing it would fade
She glitter like a gem
I called her Jade
Faded pictures of a jaded woman
With stories of the empty days
Full of empty cheers
Warm bodies, but lonely nights
Faded into lonely days
She’d fill her cup
For her intuition begged for attention
But left her wanting and wishing
For real love
In a world full of deception
She’d need to seek the One
Not found in any man
But the Savior, of all who’s lost
Man only brings empty promises
Hidden motives
And potent pheromones
Lust and disaster
But when you trust in the Master
He’ll lead you the one who’ll put you first on this earth.

BLEED

Unattainable always creates a need to conquer
In the man who knows no bounds
The wise, binds himself,
But leaps in the eyes of the unfaithful
For he sees the net
With no fret, he stands strong
But walks meager
Humility allows the faithful to glide,
On the Promises of the Most High
The crooked path, left me tired
Straight and narrow left me fulfilled
But I couldn’t stay balanced
I threw myself on the fire,
Because I didn’t think I would burn
I pricked my fingers on the beautiful thorns
She gave me nothing.
I bled a rose.
My blood fed the soil of my soul
Because I learn and grown through my indiscretion
He wouldn’t let me bleed for nothing.
On edge of my heels,
My destiny clips.
So I walk meager,
Let my mind bleed the words
To allow my feet to glide.

Urges

My spoken word
Full of token verbs
And broken terms
Beautifully entrap all that’s within
From the ripe ole age of ten
I’ve envisioned a vision so deeply rooted in love.
I protected the ideals of romanticized views
Which now gives me the blues
Because I bore it in my mind my roots so fulfilling
Without them I’d surely lose a grip
I’d sip, slowly from the nectar of fire water
Known as the fire starter
Until my stomach spewed the heat of indiscretion
Reached my mouth, my actions
No circumvention
I folly from time to time, slowly bred on occasion
Spawn in a mind slowly salting my urges
To purge my faulty thoughts
Born to action.
Splurging your soul, soon grows old
Til you’re empty, fill an earthly need
A dead sown seed.
Take heed.

Lost Touch

I held on til I lost touch
Fell into a trance from first glance
My last chance, after this I’d fall from grace
Since 18, you had me
Ripped my heart in half
I was on cloud nine
In too deep
Its as though your body seeps in mine
Mindless love, while I'm in our world
Nothing else matters
The cares of the world lost in your eyes
Listen to the rain
The pitter pat
Whether its this or that
With you its better
Seconds cut into pieces
Hours like fragments in time
I'd shorten my time here cause our time feels like heaven
But I held on til you lost touch
With reality, my presence
I thought was a present, but it was the end of a future
As I look to the past I wonder where I failed
Cause when it rained, it poured
And turned to hail
Dented my frame of mind
And this came to mind
I held onto you because I lost touch

Rocky Ground

I’ve come to the conclusion, as I often do in the wee hours of the morning life is about maneuvering. I’ll start at the ground level. We have all heard the parable, “Seeds that fall on fertile ground reap bountifully and those that fall on rocky ground are washed away. I get the parable, but what amazes me about the seed that falls on fertile ground, it always knows which way is up. I have never seen a seed with a “This End UP” label. Furthermore, the plant grows two ways. Its roots grow downward and bloom upwards. Despite gravity, despite having to push through the soil, the beauty comes from beneath the ground, and the strength stays deeply rooted, underneath. Where am I going with this? Like most writers (and I call myself a writer very loosely), they write from underneath, at least that’s where I write from. Alone, amidst my soil or strung about on the rocks, I write. However, I have a gift that flowers do not have; a seed effectively has one shot at making it. I have fallen on rocky ground, fertile soil, and sometimes I did not fall at all I was swooped up by fowl, or never settled because the wind blew me to and fro. Nevertheless, no matter my surroundings, the origin of what I write comes from that place, wherever it may be. I say this, because no matter where you land, its about maneuvering where you are.
What never ceases to amaze me, is that when I’m floating or lost or amidst the rocky soil, I write my most inspired pieces. To quote my own work, “My mood sways, I relish in the good times, but learn and grow in the low…” Hard times breed pain, but it also breeds reflection. Reflection is the tool given to us that allows change, being able to look into oneself objectively is truly a gift. Writing from the rocky places gives me a clarity like no other. On the other hand, when I am surrounded by good people, discipline, a plan, good soil, I always know which way is up. But being in a good place doesn’t mean that you are content. A friend told me, contentment is the grim reaper of progress. Not to sound trite, but pressure busts pipes, but it also as writing is concerned can create an explosion of ideas, thoughts, creativity and progression. And its not my progress, I’m so concerned about, if I can write to boost someone else, I’m as happy as I can be.

Vessel

I fed from the Word, and it made me strong, but told me how weak I was. I fed from the world, and it made me dizzy, drunk from pleasure, and told me how strong I was, but I was weak. I heard the voices calling me from inside the righteous places, but I ignored them, I was in frenzy from the hustle and bustle of the sidewinders, thieves and miscreants, I got my strength from them, they fed me slow poison that tasted good and looked good, but sewed nothing. Gave me trinkets and toys, that all the world envied, but they were cheap, and made me feel the same. I took from the world because I thought it owed me, I shunned what God provided because I knew I wasn’t worthy, I stole from God because he had it all, and gave into the world because I needed its approval. I toasted to good times, and relished in them, but despised the trying times, which set me up from the greatest gifts I could ever imagine. I stared in the face of evil, and embraced it like a wayward brother I longed to see. Impressed upon my life I fell into trap after trap, because they all had different bells and whistles, but in the spirit, if I dwelled there I would see they were all the same. Lies.

I stood and watched, as my soul took beating after beating. I smiled, like the misguided vessel I was, with no room to grow, it seems, but God sought differently, he plucked my being until I listened, miles in the sky, what better place. He gave me vision to write, even when my eyes do not grace the paper. The Gospel, now gives me the inspiration, take hold of my fingers Dear Heavenly Father, that Your Word shall be seen in this text. Gear me towards those things you would have for my life, and give me the wherewithal and strength to endure forever more….AMEN.

Reprise (unfinished)

Ba Da Ba…
Ba Da Ba…
Close your eyes
Is that a reprise
For my ears to see
Oh how I love to freely kill
The pains for today
Scroll. Double-click. Or Press Play.
And fade away.
I hear the same words all day.
Put to song makes them fat.
They stick, how my love handles.
Playing over and over in my mind.
Reprise.
Yes please.

I could hardly tell...

I could hardly tell you the truth
I didn’t know it myself for sure
In perpetual limbo
Irreparable trust
I made the hard look simple
When it wasn’t
Now I look hard trying to find
When our love got wrinkled
You gave more then you had
On borrowed time I tried but you won’t look back
Guess I’m the proverbial pillar of salt
I could hardly give what you gave
I thought I was in love, but you knew
I said it unsure,
When I started to fight
You’d given up the battles
Let me back in
If only knew then
I concluded that it was me that love always
Alluded.
Now I’m suited and booted.
And you can’t trust it
I’m out of limbo.
And now you’re in my shoes.
Because….how was I to know for sure
I could hardly tell.
Now there’s no telling you different.

Cooler then the other side of the Chillow...

Commitment phobia? I had a conversation in the wee hours of the night about this phenomenon. I’ve come to my own conclusion that commitment phobia is not only a defense mechanism, but a cop out, a relationship fiction and euphemism for, “What I got going right now, just isn’t really what I’m looking for.” Let me address each, one at a time.
Defense mechanism: “I’m just a commitment phob, I feel the pressure, and I just want to get out.” To me that says, “I’m at a point with this person, where I have to give more, or get out. I’ve had bad experiences in the past where I’ve given my all, and I got burned, and I’m not willing to give more right now.” Very valid. Though I don’t understand, cause I can’t put every woman in the same boat, do they have common characteristics, yes, but will they all inevitably treat me the same, no. For example, you can put a thousand people in the same situation, and I bet you have a thousand different reactions to that situation. So how can you expect that two persons, who get together in complex human interaction, will create the same relationship? Furthermore, we have to look at ourselves, if you keep getting into relationships and they end badly or don’t go well, what is the common factor? YOU! Maybe you should evaluate the type of people you choose to associate with. But then again, maybe its everyone else’s fault. I say keep your guard up to a degree, but there comes a point you got to sacrifice yourself to find happiness.

Cop out: Sounds good. “Yeah we’re kicking it, I just wanna have fun right now. I’m really afraid of commitments.” Do you blame em, really? Probably getting out of the “kicking it” he/she would get out of the relationship anyway, why make it anything else?

“What I got going on right now, just isn’t what I’m looking for.”: Also, you just aint good enough. If you was really good enough, I wouldn’t be phobic about us, cause you’re all I need/want. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that there are people out there, that in the face of happiness they run the other way, cause they feel they don’t deserve to be happy. Furthermore, I understand there are cases of people, just being afraid of being tied down, but I think in general “commitment phobia” is 95% bull. For example, all your life you wanted to visit the Eiffel Tower, and you get a chance to do it, and all you gotta do is jump on the plane. Are you not going to jump on the plane? I hear you though, well things aren’t right right now, I want to go when I have more time to visit. I have to work on Monday, I’m going to have jet lag. Dang, that’s a seven hour flight, that’s a long flight. I don’t even speak French, how am I going to talk to people when I get there? Am I going to be in first class, I don’t fly coach. My point is, there will always be an excuse, the timing will never be right. I think the measure of a person lies in the ability to realize nothing is for sure, and life does pass us by.

“So when its time, its time, and hopefully I’m in the front of the line”

- Lou

Daddy

She had a father not a daddy he wasn’t there
Physically with no emotion its like he didn’t care
For attention she’d rebel
But he didn’t see
Too busy womanizing being the man she would later seek
Too much to handle so she search for daddy
IN the world she gave herself to find her worth
Ruined from the start
From her pants she gave her heart
Completely incomplete
Can mean only missing one piece
But its deeper then one could even see
She was sought after
But she couldn’t fulfill her need with what they sought
Her rock left, he wasn’t ready
Father.
She reminded him of his past,
Couldn’t stand to think
A man would treat her like something he once stood on
To walk over his angel
Her eyes reminded him of his sins
Of the father.
He wasn’t ready, because he wasn’t anyone’s rock.
Knew he was selfish, had for years
Told himself it was the best until he believed it
Now she searches for him,
But knows he’s long gone,
So she sought what he should have left her
In other men.
Oh, she was sought after
And was seeking on her own
Completely incomplete
But she couldn’t put her finger on that one piece
But what made her incomplete wasn’t what was missing
It was her dedicating her life to seeking what was already gone.

THORN

If you’d just hold on
I’d make the very command of your wish fade away
And be your shooting star
If you’d just hold on
My thoughts would wander in yours
And mesh because they belong together
If you’d hold on
We’d unravel our lives
Promising never to fold
Prove that love is not a losing game
I want to change your whole world
Shake it and stir
Inside and out
Highs lows and in between
Remove all thought of you letting go
Create in us a tie so strong
If you’d hold onto me
We’ll make us one
But you’d let go as sure as babies cry
My Beautifully painful thorn
We often adorn that which makes our hearts bleed
The beautiful woman silly men chase
Not every rose has its thorn
Sometimes they’re horns well placed
Pricking at your side
Through it all I held on
The tolerance for a pain now I feel nothing
But as sure as the past repeats itself
You let go
I dripped my joy as you pricked it

LISTEN (revisited)

I wish I could sing
We all do it seems
To fully express one’s feelings in song
Seems to hit home
Or strike a cord just right
Melody to know he’s into she
Or she’s into thee
Perhaps she’ll be or is into me
Forget a written note
I’d write a song made for her ear
To somewhere near that intangible feel
She couldn’t place, but just knew
Quibbling over where this feeling comes from only…
Breaks her high, she simply wants to know that this pleasing
Yet intense, yet uncertain
Simply expressed array of emotions
Which took her to a place of highs and lows
Was only for her
She gave and pulled back for fear the song would end
Or change to a different genre then when it started
The blues without the R
But I’d sing to her if only I could
Or if inside I knew she would listen
From a simple guitar
I'd pluck her strings
Fading into a whisper
And once we both knew,
It would be the song that kept our love enduring
Keeping us warm in the winter
If only she’d listen.

COLD

Moved against the grain
It made me tender, sore
Til I bore calluses
I pushed against her
Like a solid piece of ice
It left me tired and cold
Tried to wait until the sun came
But look where we are
In the shade
She’d been frozen for years
I chipped away but it’ll take years to erase
Oh how the cold-hearted with cold shoulders
Leave these walls
When its cold outside.
Its colder in my home
Left me numb
Leave or remain
Too long and I may become like her
Stricken and frost bitten