Recall

I changed the channel on my love once, hit recall now i'm back to before the love was lust, lost. Now at night I toss, I felt a buzz as I lay there, reached for my phone but it was a pager there, true story. I guess I took it back. I awoke from a shallow sleep, thought of you and faded chest deep. I'm wading in the water, but I'm fading fast, still dreaming you haunt me in my sleep I only miss you because I wish I didn't feel this way, you let me go because I pushed you, now i'm begging you to stay. 143s of the past mean nothing now, love lost is like losing a bet, I put up my heart. But doubling down or losing a round aint nothing like this. So I channel search through the fish of the sea, but I always find my mind on you, 143. I know deep down you're not four me. So why when i'm in the middle of another program, I'm drawn to you, my previous channel.

Blue

Our love isn't predicated
At least until now
But I'm dedicated
We come from two worlds but we match right
Areas of gray mix the love with black and white
Occupied by lesser things
Or so it seems
Amidst the turmoil I felt my blood boil
I was into her, and she wasn't so into him
But they both hurt the same
And to borrow from X
How could I maintain with that s&#$ on my brain
I'd lie if I said it still wasn't
She was before you and he was before me
But it was still there for our eyes to see
Ironic that what we didn't see hurts the most
I now wish I could erase what I imagine when he held you close
I sit and stare and it leaves me heart broken
Maybe it will just take more time,
But every time I hear certain words spoken
I revert to the blank stare my stomach turns,
It's like our love is choking
And the gift is I need you more then ever
The curse is I need you more then ever
Lovers dream of running away together
I'd gladly run from the stormy weather
With us hand in hand
Its like we're in the eye of the storm
Swept away by our thoughts, this world, ourselves
What if what we've found together isn't enough?
And I know the road will be tough.
And because I admit that you wonder,
Does that mean I won't be there when things get rough?

Men aint $(*%

It might just be you,
I know, I know its hard to believe its true.
You're alone because no one is worthy.
You won't settle you don't care if you're 30.
And I completely understand not settling
And don't take this as me meddling...
But maybe you should get off Match.com
And try Lower Expectations.
Now before you go getting your panties in a wad
Think hard.
Let me put you up on something you already know but ignore.
Men make time for what's important in their lives
And just because he has qualities that you like
That doesn't make him Mr. Right
And especially if to him you're Ms. Wrong
All that you want doesn't necessarily want you
Think of the times you've rejected
Did you think it was a problem you had that made you deflect him?
Naw it was him.
Now does that make sense?
I used to want to prove you wrong
But if you can’t see its you on your own
Why waste my time?
Besides if you were on his radar
He would have stepped up and made a move
But you’re like gum on the bottom of some shoes
Annoying and a hassle
And only there because some cat dropped you
Now I’m the bad guy when your friends are the ones who failed you
When I slip mine tell me the reason for the stumble
Nothing like real friends to keep you humble
But when you fall your friends blame us all
Men hear and sense the negativity
If only I had a mirror that you wouldn’t question
To show your true self
You may wonder why I bother
If I hear “Men aint Shi” one more time
I need someone to tickle my fancy
And quite frankly
You may not have the fingers for it
Or maybe that's not my spot
And maybe you're just not hot.
For whatever reason
Love is like God it'll meet you where you are.
So if you're at a place where "Men aint S(&*"
Then they probably aren't.

Truth

The truth is stoic
Unbending in its arrogance
Sought after by the noble and pauper alike
Dodged by those with ignoble intentions
Feared by the same at any mention
Ugly and Beautiful
Skewed by your looking glass
The truth
Starter and the end all of wars
Creator of loyalty
Elusive and sometimes bitter
Some say its the key from enslavement
With the ability to set you free
Decreasingly the answer in a cold sick world
It dwells in some more then others
The truth
Torn by the gnashing of teeth
Battered by those who try to twist and bend
Loosening with the help of the "oil"
"Drank" or wine
The truth.
Stoic.
You can almost hear its absoluteness,
Though we long to beat it.
Join it.
It may set you free.

Back Drop

I woke up this morning
Shook the coal from my eye and pondered about my love
I thought I would simply write then,
At that very moment…
But I couldn’t find my pen
Plus I was late.
I found the words I wanted all day
They came to me like begging gypsies in Rome
You’re my world,
No, no how my world was nothing without you
I dream about you,
No, no how you were a dream,
My dream.
But then I realized.
You were a beautiful person
But only because the back drop of this world was so ugly
Or is it just human to love our imperfections
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not putting my love for you in question
Its just I’m inside my head from sun up to sun down
And I know my way of thinking is flawed
And I don’t consider myself the most wacked out person around
But there are some sick thoughts inside my head
And I thank the heavens I have a conscience I can’t shed
Cause if not the snake would be in full force
And of course my inner self may rear its ugly head
I just gather that what we both love
We hate.
And what we long for
We run away from,
And what we live for
We won’t always die for
I just gather that’s what makes us human
Imperfect.
So you are a beautiful person, and the back drop of this work is ugly.
And we made it that way.
So if you shine amidst the imperfection…
You are my dream and my world.

Limbo: Part Deux

So you flee from the insanity
Just to get roped back in
This love rodeo’s got your heart bucking all over
Wishing this ride would be over
Or maybe if you could become a little colder
Reach that breaking point
Take the stake out of your heart
And draw a line in the sand
Raise a flag that says
“Limbo, Never to Return Again”
But as soon as the tide rises
Lonely nights, late evening surprises
Hormones aren’t subsiding
You step back into no man’s land
Where complication and confusion rule
Where you eat the words, “I’ll be no one’s fool”
Perplexed again, you failed that test again
So you call your next of kin
They say there you go with that mess again
Couldn’t fight that flesh and win.
Good enough to lay, but not good enough to stay.
Oh, this limbo that we’re in.
Please address it
Or assess the years lost and the damage cost.
Limbo leaves the scorn and broken hearted.
Wasted love and Cupid’s discarded
Oh if we could recognize the signs.
Or push a button that would remind
About the times you laid motionless
Mind racing, hoping this
Indecisiveness, draining stagnate time would move on
Trade the grey for contrasting shades of black and white
I wish she'd let go, or hold tight.

Limbo: Part I

We started like they all start
Lofty ideals, kisses on the neck giving us full-body chills
Thoughts of, “Maybe this is the real deal”
She was beautiful, he was fine as…well
Noses wide open,
You both had that new car smell,
And you were giving each other a spin,
So the representative slowly faded away and apprehension snuck in
You wanted to try your luck then,
Now your heart’s tucked in
But those feelings developed, not to a point of no return
But to be lost, IN LIMBO.
Oh I said it, some of your hearts sank
Your brain and your heart floating, stomach tied in knots
One day you’re cold the next day you’re hot
You want him when he doesn’t want you
Your minds playing tricks on you.
Its not worth it to keep going, but you’re invested
Or maybe you’re in between break ups,
And he’s just so familiar, “Heck I have 2 years indebted”
He owes me my happiness and the American dream
But you can’t understand why its like your sanity is busting at the seams
Let go.
Its limbo.
But what if things change?
Do I just let go at the first sign of rain?
Life and love sometimes bring pain.
I can endure a while longer,
And even if it doesn’t turn out right, at least I’ll be stronger, right?
I imagine breaking free from this bondage
Suspended with no strings
Constantly offensive or offended
What does this limbo mean?
Nothing confuses more then the tug of war with your heart and mind
Understanding doesn’t always come with time

Back then...when

When the only thing that made you cry was a scraped knee
Maybe a mean kid not sharing
Jumping off swings, double-dog-daring
Catching june bugs, sipping cool tea out of mugs
Foot races, kool-aid stained smiling faces
When things were easy and care-free
Running and rarely getting tired
Baths and swinging on tires
Bubble baths and sleepovers
Scary stories, “Red Rover, Red Rover”
Spreading your arms, imagining you can fly
Picking out images of clouds in the sky
Oh back then, when things were so simple.
Recess and May Day,
Thinking girls had the cooties,
Well some things never change.
Back then.

Remised

I teared up at the thought of a future I knew I couldn’t have
Amidst the hustle and bustle of life I lost my grasp
On what was important, and I knew it
Things were so fluid
I got washed away
In between the chaos, hard times I’d call on Him
I’d fast, I would pray
But just enough to quiet my own soul’s rumbling
I chalked up my stumbling to growing pains
To a growth stunting mentality of I’ll never be perfect
Oh but when it rains
It scorns.
Or breathes new life.
I remember when adversity was welcomed in my world
But as I look back, it only sprinkled then.
Now the rain comes as if it will never end.
Or at least it seems.
We can't explain the human heart and its battle with the mind.
I can’t find the time to unravel its rhyme
Or reason, because even with the seasons changing
And life rearranging
I still need you.
I’d be remised if I lied and told you I didn’t write this for you
I’d be remised if I told you I didn’t wake up longing for your kiss
If I didn’t long for that 15 seconds of bliss as I wake
15 seconds of ignorance to my current circumstance
15 seconds of heaven right here on earth
15 seconds of rebirth
Until I’m reminded I’m here living without you.
I pray that those seconds get longer.
Or my heart grows colder, grows stronger.

The Sincerely Lost

Sincerity is a rarity
Or is it that we live in a world of consummate skepticism
Jaded realism and masked moments of clarity?
I welcome the sincere
But the sincere become cold
Hiding in the open
Too tired to give themselves
Siding with the faux to cope and
Longing for the shimmer of sincere hope and
Relieving themselves of hurt that sometimes sincerity brings
To smaller, petty, less human things
It’s easy to suppress emotions before they start
Lock away your heart
It’s simple to keep the feet on your heart nimble
Focusing on your body your temple
While the inside of that temple is frigid
Maintaining career, school and the shallow social is easy
But your heart’s complexity
Perplexes thee
So lock sincerity away
No lock and key
If someone finds it they won’t recognize it anyway
Lord keep my sincerity

"Sincerity is an openness of heart; we find it in very few people; what we usually see is only an artful dissimulation to win the confidence of others."

LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, Reflections

Boat

I grew weary of the way this thing was progressing
Grew tired of the commotion, hard feelings and stressing
I knew if God was testing I was failing fast
My heart was sailing fast
To a place it had never been before
True I felt heartache, heart break but never like this
My heart was jumping like a hyper kid in mid-summer church service
Hot as a furnace
My friends tried to wave the fans of "Let God handle it"
But I was intent on letting this hyper active desire consume me
Besides as soon as I was alone the fans just reminded me where I was
Bound by the decisions of another
Diced, chopped, smothered and covered
Is how this made my heart felt
No question my plea is heart felt
All along I figured I had it all figured
Who would have thought I'd pursue the unpursuable with so much vigor
So slow usually to pull the trigger, but with her mine was hair-pin
Let it go, if I could only care when
I wanted.
Now my love is on a platter, flaunted.
Picked at and laid flat.
I'm a boat.
If only she could toss me back or take me home.
I'd surely take either.
Oh how I long to see her.

Tugging

She had such a grip
Tight lipped when she slipped through
Couldn't help but be blue
The thought of not being able to make her rainy days anew
My sun would shine through if only she really knew
She had a pull
She kept me full of a longing
Intriguing
She'd tug at me rather she was near or not
At random I'd feel what was her phantom
Perfume or sweet smile
Wacky laugh
I'll never be the same
Oh how the aftermath I pray is loves true grasp
I pray at last
This isn't just a crossing of paths

wishing

i wish i was finished with what I started, my dreams never thwarted, every woman i wanted wasn't already courted. my shoes were never scuffed, i loved and felt loved more then enough. when times got rough you would hold my hand, i could hike mountains by day and by night watch the stars in the sand, i'd wish upon them all until my lids started to fall. i wish my purpose was realized, all my plans materialized, gave all i could give and still had time to live. i wish food that was good for you tasted good, my people weren't misunderstood. i wish i could do it all so i couldn't say no. i wish my neice and nephew wouldn't grow, their innocence is like gold. i wish i knew what you needed to know, so i could teach you where to go in this life i implore is worth living. i wish my heart sometimes was less forgiving. i wish for 3 more wishes. i wish i wasn't afraid of rejection, but i thank GOD for his intercession. i wish for less reflection and more Godly connection. i simply wish i never stop wishing. i wish more people understood me, i hate mystery. i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish when life gets to me i wished a little harder. i wish we all realized wishing was living.

Trite

All poems about the truth of the world seem…
Well, self righteous
I understand
The truth often seems trite
The truth is: We know very little about a lot
Our lots in life, we could change
If we knew a lot
Who knows if things will ever change or not
Knowing the truth is all we got
When it alludes your perception you know you have to stop
And find where it hides
Knowledge is only power when you move your feet
Application is like plugging in the light so you can see
Reboot, Refresh, Revamp, Review, Remind, Repeat
Badu plus 3
All so keen to see the fruition of a dream
I am not fool, add some loot
Or cheese my eyes are green like Badu
I need lamb and seed
With a fam to feed
Every man’s in need
Maybe he’s got his hand in greed
Or hungry enough he’ll scam and flee
Land and deeds
Understand the thieves
Revamp, reread
Come back, achieve
We lack, oh we lack, we bleed
I’m weak, I see
Knowledge is only power when you move your feet
All poems about the truth seem the same
Self-righteous
I understand
Just because I know I may hurt a man
Is it enough to push me to take my own hand
Because I know the truth to be trite
When the truth be told do I run from the fight.
So say it anyway.

Irrationale

Irrationality

She said be gentle with her heart
The one before kicked it around
Which made her cringe when I came around
No one wants anything but the best
But most keep the worst on the horizon of one’s mind
Before love…
We’re on the pendulum of hope and skepticism
Some turned from scorned, seasoned skeptics
To smitten children when love hits
We’re both scared, we never know where life takes us
Because we fear it will break us
Its like the contemplation of inebriation
We know it may take us out of our right mind
Into love
So does love equal insanity
I believe it’s a consequence of love in its truest form
Its rationale to want companionship
So why does it turn us into irrational beings?

Lust for Power

Hopeless romantic
So frantic
And panicked
She’s in the craziest positions
To let the man with the deep pockets
Have it
Or at least manage
Her spending habits
So the bold thief who robs by day
Like a bandit
Takes her goodies
Yes Indeed
To feed a need
Increase a seed
We leave
Race or creed
Feel free
To agree
So once again we flee
Leaving her riddled
Confused with a greater hate then before
Thrust upon her
To rape
In turn killing ourselves
Collaterally
Emphatically
Tactically
Democratically
So sad to see.

Hilarious Video

I want these guys to be internet super stars...so I'm posting this...watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m69RQpxcO6Y

Life and Love

Come and gone to me
Love is just a song
We cherish it for what it gives
Taking us to a place we long to relive
And Relive
Giving us chills, and thrills
But like a anxious child
Who’s mind isn’t wrapped around the restraints
It’s body lends
Running eagerly to explore
Inevitably she will take a spill
To get up and learn
New love will clean you up and dust you off
If you let it.
Now the same chills we once invited
Only relives this gaping emptiness we feel
The scraped knee untended to, like your heart
Leaves scars
And although we know one day WE shall pass
Death of the body, doesn’t kill this love
As precious as the gift of life is, we can choose to take it
So how much more precious is love?
It can be cut down, in our minds we can abhor it, deplore it
But it lives on,
Life can be taken in a second
But only time mends the broken-hearted
But it will never take you back to where you started
Love is like a song.
A favorite song revisited still etched in your mind
May not get a full play
But the first note rushes thoughts through you head
And you revisit how you once felt
Its been such a long time, it seems
But those words and what they once meant
Won’t be forgotten.

Dreamgirl

Saw her in my dreams
In the flesh I couldn’t fathom
As real as it could feel I can only imagine
I needed more so I dreamt on
And on
Prayed before I laid
I hope I’d see her again
Night turned into day
Too soon
Day dreaming just wasn’t the same
So I smiled as the moon came
Journey through the pillow
Wishing it would bring me closer
How could I want her?
She came to me in my dreams only once
What an obsession
How its got me pressing
Anxious now I can’t sleep
She’s not real, how could I be in this deep?
Bring her to life.
I swore if I saw her
She’d change my sight
To see things clearer is what I long for
She’s what I’m preparing my
Mind, Body and spirit for.

The Fitting

From my back I’ll be lifting
SO when I’m drifting into the sea of uncertainty
My core is strong with no shifting
Of my ideals because my propensity of inequity
Is as inevitable as the intensity of evil I see
Upon the horizon of great change of bigger and better thangs
If I remain the same, or came up lame even when the challenge remained
I’d regret allowing the net of fowler’s snare
Create this despair with no repair
So as inevitable as my blank stare lingers
When taking heed is on the end of my fingers
I’d call on the ringer of all ringers
To shake the man in the mirror
To make things just a little bit clearer
But still I fear her
This beautiful yet unknown future
Will I suit her?
Or will she spit me out
I could say I knew her
But what good does it do to have seen the light
If I don’t follow it, how can I take flight
Remiss this plight I feel we now find alright
Because its ours, you don’t have to stay in your mess
Increasingly sleeping on a present situation
You wonder why your blessing is swept
Under the rug because its you that slept
Off the path, its not that you’re inept
You fret because you’re afraid to take that first step
So increasingly I change my propensity to slack
Taking more then one step back to see the things I lack
For if I can address this broken record
And not listen to this played out track
Keep my mind, soul and body intact
I’ll meet this horizon of great change
And rearrange my blank page
Lay down this rage,
Release my soul from this cage
Pour it out like the water of a cascade
Til then I’ll be lifting
Because in this sea of uncertainty
They’ll inevitably be shifting
Rest assured they’ll be twisting
But from this comes the triumph of the fitting.